The Good Father: On Men, Masculinity, and Life in the Family
By Mark O’Connell

Usually we’re not fond of self-help books or the latest pop psychology tomes, but O’Connell’s book was surprisingly free of those sugary-feel-good-moments that generally come with this type of fare. O’Connell, a Massachusetts psychologist, explores the myths of fatherhood and argues for a middle ground between the two arch-types of fatherhood: the strict disciplinarian and the detached go-ask-your-mother softie. O’Connell argues that fathers are important for establishing a child’s moral center and that authority in the form of a father is crucial to development. “The Good Father” uses lots of case studies and the first half of the book is a strong call to action for fathers. However, the second part of the book feels repetitive and the section of the father’s role in the sexual development of his children feels misplaced and out of context to the rest of the book.

Grade: C+

World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War
By Max Brooks

The only weakness is this remarkable novel is that it may read too much like a history. The story takes place 10 years after a plague renders the dead into flesh-eating zombies and takes us around the globe for first-hand accounts of the action. It’s this premise that makes Brooks’ novel seem so realistic, but it’s also the weakness as there are no central characters to watch, see develop, and continually root for. But there’s lots to like in the compelling and often horrifying vignettes crafted by Brooks (who may have found a niche as the zombie fiction king of the United States). “World War Z” is pulp fiction at its literary finest. Brooks has created a detailed and realistic world that could be real. It’s the kind of book that if in the wrong hands could convince rather gullible person that a zombie war actually did happen. You’ll find yourself streaking light speed across the pages of this one. It’s a fast, furious, and frightening read and comes with our full recommendation.

Grade: A-

99 Coffins
By David Wellington

“99 Coffins” falls on the other end of the pulp spectrum from “World War Z.” It has none of the sophistication or literary aspirations of the latter novel. “99 Coffins” simply wants to scare people – and it finds mixed success in that endeavor. Give Wellington major credit for being a novelist with a creative imagination. He starts with a fascinating premise – a cache of inactive vampires found beneath a Civil War battlefield. Did one side try to use the undead as a secret weapon to shift the balance of power? Then the kicker: one of the coffins is empty and one vampire missing. Does this rogue blood-sucker have the ability to revive the others? The story, unfortunately, gets bogged down in the flashbacks to the Civil War – which feel forced instead of adding to the narrative. Wellington can’t quite pull off the voice of 19^th century soldiers. “99 Coffins” has plenty of action and features a gory, gun-blazing battle between cops and vampires. So action fans will have plenty to cheer for. We wish Wellington had spent less time with the bullets and more time working on the horror aspects of his novel.

Grade: C-

DEMO: The Collected Edition
By Brian Wood and Becky Cloonan

“DEMO” is a graphic novel set up like a series of 12 short stories (it’s taken from the independent comic of the same name). The strength of this collection is Becky Cloonan’s amazing artwork that captures magnificently the alienation of young adulthood through shifting angels and perspectives and the heavy black-and-white line work. The stories by Brian Wood aren’t as powerful as the drawings. Some of the tales, which focus on young people forced into making crucial decisions in their lives, feel cliché. Yet Wood does manage to tap into the darkness and the struggle of many young people who feel alienated by their peers. Many of the stories feature characters with disturbing superpowers – such as being able to kill people with a word or living forever. So give Wood credit for creativity, but only a B for pulling it through all of the stories. “DEMO” has high expectations for itself and it pushes the graphic novel into places that it hasn’t often gone. So if you’re a fan of the genre – this is a must read. It’s also a good place for people who want to read graphic novels to start.

Grade: B+

Read about our favorite gunslingers from the Old West

Read our picks for some of the best books of the last few years

Read our last Cracked-Back column

Labels: Becky Cloonan, book review, books, Brian Wood, Cracked-Back, David Wellington, Mark O'Connell, Max Brooks

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By Christine Larson

One: Say That a Thousand Times

In the air,
on my tongue,
on the paper,
each time it weighs differently.

Say that a thousand times more:
My father killed himself.

Two: They Made Love

He threatened to kill himself a thousand times,
a thousand times, maybe more.
Maybe she threatened to leave.
I can see him pleading
baby, baby, baby.
I can see her enjoying that.
Maybe she said
this isn’t working,
smoked a cigarette.
They made love.
It grew within him like a cancer,
one that only he could imagine and foster.
Already in touch with failure,
he fucked her, pretending to enjoy it.
Maybe she was distant,
already worried, perhaps.
we need to talk
she might have said
and then lit a cigarette.
They made love.
My father was not well
and she was
not affectionate.
They made love.
I imagine it went something like this.

Three: Did She Know?

His oldest daughter
almost called him on Father’s Day.
Did she know?
One brother had just died and
another refused him money.
Did she know this?
His mother had just disowned him.

I don’t know if she knew.

Did she say
you have your family
And did he say
without you there is nothing
Maybe she said
no, it’s over
never actually intending to go.
I picture her smiling.
I think she smiled a little.
baby, baby, baby
That day, I think he begged.
She played his loneliness,
and he, her guilt.
She threatened to leave;
he threatened the same.
Maybe this was an old dance for them.

Did she know?

Four: The Safety

This moment was far from the first.
He did something different, maybe,
fucked up to start with.
To show he was serious,
would he have taken off the safety?
Or out of habit perhaps.
Was the safety even on?
He would have held the gun to his head.
it isn’t working
this isn’t working
That day, did he hear her?
He certainly fucked her
on the fold-out couch.
He always kept his gun
by the fold-out couch.
He would have reached for the gun,
his gun.
You are all there is
He would have said.
I have no family
He would have said.
It would have put him over the edge,
the perfect jumping-off point.
Did he take the safety off?

It doesn’t matter.

Five: It Hurt to Hear Her

It hurt to hear her
say those things:
generous and loving, kind
She talked of a man I didn’t know,
this woman.
Not one kind word did the others offer:
his brother, sad-faced and quiet;
his ex-wife, pretending to cry
my poor girls;
the same as always
and beautiful like him, his daughters,
silent.
She was the only person
I thought I didn’t know.
Maybe his last thought was
bitch
I’m serious, damn it
His hand tight to keep from being swatted away,
without intent, squeezing.
Annoyed, he reacted.
She might have reached to swat the gun away;
this is what she said.
I suspect they struggled and the gun went off.
She said she tried to take it from him.
She said she reached for it
but something happened
this time.
My father, with a gun to his head,
generous and loving, kind.

It hurt to hear her.

(Artist by day and poet by night, Christine Larsen is a meanderer by nature. She is prone to overly dramatic pauses in conversations, unpredictable detours in thought and picking up shiny things. Christine is sometimes clever, often sarcastic and always highly susceptible to the temptations of chocolate and tequila. She lives and writes in Nashville, TN where her work can be seen and heard locally.)

Read Christine's other poem "Senryrus for Dirtbags"

Read our 5 Questions About Modern Poetry

Labels: Christine Larsen, Poem

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Several years ago we muddled through Cormac McCarthy’s “All the Pretty Horses” (1992). We found it long and dull; peppered with McCarthy’s annoying omission of simple punctuation (what’s wrong with using quotation marks and apostrophes?) and filled with run-on sentences of questionable clarity.

Try this sentence on for size:

“Although the night was cool the double doors of the grange stood open and the man selling the tickets was seated in a chair on a raised wooden platform just within the doors so that he must lean down to each in a gesture akin to benevolence and take their coins and hand them down their tickets or pass upon the ticketstubs of those who were only returning from outside.”

Yeah, it makes you dizzy that McCarthy can write a 70-word sentence about a man handing another man a ticket stub (which is two words, Cormac). Our jaw dropped when this novel won the National Book award.

We applauded critic and author B.R. Myers scathing literary criticism “A Reader’s Manifesto” when he called out McCarthy as one of the guilty among the long list of pretentious literary writers (other authors called out by Myers included E. Annie Proulx, David Guterson, Paul Auster, Charles Frazier, and Don DeLillo).

Myers took offense at this sentence from McCarthy’s “The Crossing” (1995): “He ate the last of the eggs and wiped the plate with the tortilla and ate the tortilla and drank the last of the coffee and wiped his mouth and looked up and thanked her.”

Then Myers tore into it:

“This is a good example of what I call the andelope: a breathless string of simple declarative statements linked by the conjunction and. Like the "evocative" slide-show and the Consumerland shopping-list, the andelope encourages skim-reading while keeping up the appearance of “literary” length and complexity. But like the slide-show (and unlike the shopping-list), the andelope often clashes with the subject matter – the unpunctuated flow of words bears no relation to the methodical meal that is being described.”

We were greatly revealed to learn that another critic found McCarthy’s prose pompous, confusing, and as heavy as a lead weight.

We still find McCarthy’s Border Trilogy to be overrated, but his last two novels have us reconsidering McCarthy: “No Country for Old Men” (2005) and “The Road” (2007).

While we still find McCarthy’s reluctance to use proper grammar maddening it appears that he may have been listening to his critics (such as it is). Both novels are shorter and he strays away from his past sin of using long complicated sentences to describe simple mundane moments.

Instead, he focuses both “No Country for Old Men” and “The Road” on developing rich complex characters and then mines their interactions with each other for great emotional depth. The novels evoke great truths about human nature that at times left us breathless (and eager for more).

While reading “All the Pretty Horses” felt like a miserable chore, we couldn’t put down “No Country for Old Men” or “The Road.” There was energy to the prose and while the plots weren’t intricate – at least they had plots. The action feels more external and less internal. And that’s a good thing.

While we’ll stop short of lavishing McCarthy with the praise the likes of Literary Critic Harold Bloom – who called him one of the most important authors of his time – we have changed our minds about McCarthy.

The greatest praise we can give to McCarthy is that both “No Country for Old Men” and “The Road” have stayed with us. Both novels are haunting and powerful and stick to the ribs of your mind for a long, long time (like good, old-fashioned oatmeal).

So we kind-of apologize, Mr. McCarthy. We’re not going back to the Border Trilogy, but we can’t wait for your next book – ‘cause we’re going to be first in line to buy it.

A Menu of Tasty Books

Knock Your Socks Off Great Books

Labels: book review, books, Cormac McCarthy, literary criticism

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Our Interview with Documentary Filmmaker
Beth Murphy

(DaRK PaRTY isn’t afraid to admit that we shed quite a few tears while watching the 9/11 documentary “Beyond Belief” (but in a he-man kind of way). You can read our review of the film here. The story is about two 9/11 widows who decide to break out of their grief and reach out to war widows in Afghanistan. It’s a heart breaking film made by Beth Murphy, a Boston area filmmaker. The movie is being screen at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. For tickets and times you can click here. Beth was kind enough to answer our questions about the film.)

DaRK PaRTY: When did you first meet Susan Retik and Patti Quigley and what about them made you want to create "Beyond Belief"?

Beth: I learned about Susan and Patti’s mission to help Afghan war widows through my role on the board of the International Institute of Boston, an organization that helps immigrants and refugees. Immediately, I knew I wanted to tell their story. To me, it was a story that needed to be told. After three years of code red and orange terror alerts coming out of Washington and a War on Terror that was expanding unchecked, they inspired me with their belief that ordinary citizens could play in role in fighting global terror. There’s something very powerful about this idea of citizen diplomacy -- that individuals can act on the world stage and forge relationships that help bridge the cultural divide. Put very simply -- they inspired me, and I thought they might be able to inspire others.

DP: You chose not to use news footage from Twin Towers and instead used Susan and Patti's stories to convey their loss. Can you talk about that decision?

Beth: I knew I personally didn’t want to see this footage again, and I suspected others felt the same. And from a filmmaking perspective, I felt it would detract from -- rather than add to -- the story telling I was trying to achieve. To be honest, it would have been very easy to show footage of the planes hitting the World Trade Center Towers. Why not? That’s what happened. But it would have sensationalized the story. I wanted to treat September 11^th with respect - to convey the horror of what happened that day without exploiting it.

DP: "Beyond Belief" manages to be heart-wrenching, but without being overly sentimental. How did you balance their grief with their mission and strength?

Beth: Susan and Patti deserve all the credit for that. This is their story told in their own words. And I tried to stay true to that. Of course, they grieve. But they are focused on life after 9/11. They didn’t want to be public figures - but September 11^th forced them into that role, and they wanted to use the new voice they’d been given for good.

DP: The movie displays a striking contrast of cultures. What struck you as the biggest differences between Susan and Patti and the Afghan war widows?

Beth: The economic divide is about as vast as you can possibly imagine. Susan and Patti are upper middle class women living in the affluent suburbs of the world’s richest superpower. The Afghan widows are the most desperate and destitute members of an already impoverished nation.

After their tragedies, Susan and Patti received incredible support from family, friends, and, in fact, an entire nation. Cards, presents, dinners arrived daily – sometimes overwhelming them and their families. Despite their losses, life continued in much the same way it had before the deaths of their husbands: Their children continued classes at the same schools. They lived in the same houses. They had no financial hardships to consider.

The opposite is true for an Afghan woman who loses a husband. She is forced to experience the unraveling of her entire life. There is no life insurance in Afghanistan. And because there are no job opportunities for widows in Afghanistan, children are often forced out onto the streets to beg for food--or worse… sell themselves into prostitution. Widows – more than other women in Afghanistan – are forced to wear the grotesque burqa. Their in-laws also insist that if a woman remarries she leaves the children behind.

As Susan says in the film, “I just could not imagine living in Afghanistan and having had the same thing happen to me. Losing my husband and having no job, not being able to read or write, not being able to support my children.” That Susan and Patti recognized this difference and wanted to help alleviate some of that suffering is what separates them from most upper middle class suburbanites.

DP: Patti and Susan were amazed and awed at the poverty of Afghanistan. What was your own impression of Kabul and Afghanistan?

Beth: I was astonished to see so many women still covered head-to-toe in the all-encompassing burqa. With just a little piece of mesh to see out of, women in Afghanistan are nearly erased from society. If you remember, the West was quite focused on the repression of women during the Taliban. But the Northern Alliance that we allied ourselves with to oust the Taliban did not fight on account of women’s rights. And the truth is there have been minimal advances for women since the fall of the Taliban. And it’s 7 years later!

Today, with the Taliban once again gaining strength, rights are once again being eroded. One of the most horrific signs of this is the fact that self-immolation cases are rising dramatically. To save themselves from chronic abuse, poverty, forced marriages and a life without education or human rights, women are setting themselves on fire, believing that burning to death is a better alternative to their current existence. In Herat city alone, there were 160 cases of self-immolation last year. It’s astonishing to think that we ever congratulated ourselves for “freeing” Afghanistan’s women. While the Afghan government’s official policy is to allow women to study and work (which was prohibited under the Taliban), the reality is that repression is still widespread.

Read our review of "3:10 to Yuma"

Labels: 5 Questions, 9/11, Beth Murphy, Beyond Belief, interview

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“We're not gay; not that there's anything wrong with that!”
- Jerry Seinfeld

(So you’re watching a movie, munching on popcorn (maybe sneaking a few Raisinets – cause hell chocolate and popcorn rock) and then you feel the hair at the nape of your neck tingling and an odd stirring in the loins. You recognize this as your Gaydar going off like a freakin’ fire alarm. On the screen, quite inexplicably, the actors have gone totally and completely gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that – if the movie was, you know, supposed to be gay. We don’t mean gay as in homosexual either. “Brokeback Mountain,” for example, is a movie about homosexual cowboys, but the actors were cowboys – real men. There are homosexual scenes in the film – but there are no “gay” moments. It’s difficult to describe – so allow DaRK PaRTY to show you what we mean. Here’s our partial list of Unintentionally Gay Moments in Cinema.)

Into the Wild (2007)

Quick Synopsis: The movie is based on the Jon Karkauer’s non-fiction book by the same title. It chronicles the short life of Chris McCandless, a college graduate who gave away his life savings and dropped out of society to live a simple, ascetic life on the road. He died in Alaska while trying to live off the land.

The Offending Actors: Emile Hirsch and Hal Holbrook

The Gay Moment: McCandless (Hirsch) meets a retired widower named Ron Franz (Holbrook) while camping out in the desert. The two strike up a fast friendship. At one point, the 23-year-old McCandless and the 70-year-old Franz take a gondola ride up the side of a mountain. They turn towards each other and suddenly gaze lovingly at one another. The scene just lingers like a peeping Tom at the toilet window. One imagines the scene was trying to capture the bond developing between the two (in a grandfather to grandson kind of way), but it fails miserably. Franz looks like a horny old goat ready to start licking the belly hairs on the nubile flesh of his young ward. It’s… creepy.

Spiderman 3 (2007)

Quick Synopsis: An alien life form takes control of Spiderman’s suit and begins to turn him evil even as he learns that the man who killed his uncle is still at large. That killer, Flint Marko, is transformed into super villain Sandman. Sandman and the alien creature, Venom, team up against Spiderman and his new ally, Green Goblin.

The Offending Actor: Tobey Maguire

The Gay Moment: Green Goblin (James Franco) has been mortally wounded and lies on top of the construction skeleton of a building as Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst) kneels by his side. Spiderman (Maguire) lowers down from his web and lands gingerly on the platform. And then, in one of the most feminine moves since Red Sox pitcher Derek Lowe’s swinging fist pump after his no hitter in 2002, Maguire pitter patters to the Green Goblin’s side and kneels delicately next to him. The movement is so wildly girlish that it whisks you right out of the movie. Instead of the superhero Spiderman, you’re staring at the rather reedy and androgynous Maguire dressed in silly, but very tight, costume. Suddenly you desire soap and a shower.

Return of the King (2003)

Quick Synopsis: The last movie in the Lord of the Rings trilogy has Frodo and Sam hiking to Mount Doom to destroy the one ring as the rest of the fellowship faces off against the armies of darkness in the final battle of good vs. evil.

The Offending Actors: Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, Orlando Bloom, Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan, Viggo Mortensen, John Rhys-Davies, and Ian McKellen

The Gay Moment: There’s not much to say here because this may be the seminal moment in all of unintentional gay moments in cinema. It takes place during one of the last scenes when Frodo (Wood) wakes up from a coma. The rest of the fellowship comes prancing into his bedroom like a pack of rabid Nathan Lane clones. They all begin to hug and embrace – and those damnable hobbits start jumping on the bed like they’re at a slumber party with Michael Jackson and Liberace. The only thing missing is the baby oil and trapeze over the bed (see video clip above).

Risky Business (1983)

Quick Synopsis: Joel, a suburban teenager, takes daddy’s Porsche for a spin when his parents are on vacation and crashes it into a lake. In desperate need of fast cash, he ends up turning his parents’ suburban manor into a whorehouse for his buddies.

The Offending Actor: Tom Cruise

The Gay Moment: Joel cranks up the stereo to Bob Seger’s “Old Time Rock n’ Roll” and proceeds to dance about his living in a pink button down shirt, tightie-whities, and white tube socks. He sings into a candle stick and then proceeds to hump a golf club. Awkward (see video clip below).

Pretty in Pink (1986)

Quick Synopsis: A punk girl and outcast at her high school is invited to the prom by one of the popular boys. But the pressure from his preppy friends proves too much and he breaks off the date. She decides to go by herself, but he finally comes around and breaks through the peer pressure to admit his love for her.

Offending Actor: Andrew McCarthy

The Gay Moment: It only just seems like every scene featuring McCarthy (as Blane) is wicked gay in this movie. McCarthy just has that look – the sad puppy dog eyes and that goofy grin. But the really offending scene from “Pretty in Pink” is when McCarthy walks into the record store where Andie (Molly Ringwald) works. He sidles in and lifts up his sunglasses over his glossy raven locks so it looks like a barrette and gives her his stupid-ass grin before squeezing by another male patron – and they actually bump asses. The other patron actually gives McCarthy the once over. And it’s not even surprising. You expect it.

Legends of the Fall (1993)

Quick Synopsis: A colonel raises his sons in the wild of Montana at the turn of the 20^th century. The youngest son brings home his bride to be and soon all three brothers are lusting after here and threatening to tear the family apart. Then the Great War starts.

Offending Actor: Brad Pitt

The Gay Moment: It should be noted that Brad Pitt’s blown dried blond hair is gay throughout the film. However, the really gay moment occurs when Pitt (playing Tristan – the wildest of the boys) comes loping toward his family on a horse. They are with the bride to be and they all pause to admire Tristan as he rides toward them. The youngest brother, Samuel (played by Henry Thomas), stands next to Tristan and gives him an unabashedly admiring glance and then Tristan, wearing a white shirt unbuttoned to his chest and wearing a hemp necklace, tips his cowboy hat to the bride to be (played by Julia Ormand) and – get this – raindrops explode off his hat in a spray. What’s the symbolism here? Eh. It’s like a Dove bar ad done in 1970s porno.

Top Gun (1986)

Plot Synopsis: A wild child nicknamed Maverick goes through the Navy flight school program trying to blaze his own way. He angers almost everyone and nearly quits when his partner dies. But he comes back, saves the day, and everyone comes to love him.

Offending Actors: Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, Anthony Edwards

The Gay Moment: There are two really, really gay moments in this movie. The first? Volleyball anyone? When four shirtless pilots, including Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer, get all sweaty and start flexing and posing at one another as they as they play beach volleyball. When Val Kilmer spins the volleyball on his finger and gives Cruise a come hither look – well, that’s all she wrote. But it actually gets worse. At the end of the movie as Val and Cruise hug and embrace, Val says: “You can be my wingman anytime.” Cruise says: “Bullshit, you can be mine!” They almost start French kissing right there on the aircraft carrier.

Labels: Homosexuality, Humor, Movies

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The Fixx

Origin: The Fixx was a British new wave band formed in 1980 by a group of college buddies.

Band Members: Cy Curin (vocals), Jamie West-Oram (guitar), Rupert Greenall (keyboards), Adam Woods (drums), Dan K. Brown (bass)

Best Album: “Reach the Beach” (1983)

Next Best Album: “Shuttered Room” (1982)

Best Song: “Red Skies”

Second Best Song: “Saved by Zero”

Third Best Song: “One Thing Leads to Another”

Why They Should Have Made It: The Fixx made some excellent pop music with that 1980s alternative sound. They were on the cusp of making it big with “Reach the Beach,” which hit number 12 on the U.S. charts (with the single “One Thing Leads to Another” climbing to number 4). The album is one of the best new wave albums of 1983 and still holds up well even today.

Why They Remain Underrated: The Fixx had a couple of minuses and one of them was lead singer Cy Curin’s lack of charisma. In the heyday of MTV, the Fixx’s videos were long and boring and Cy’s flowing blond locks on top of his skinny body looked… well, strange. Their 1984 album “Phantoms” also took the band into a more esoteric artistic direction with oddly named songs such as “Less Cities, More Moving People” and “Are We Ourselves?” The band could have used less intensity and tried to relax a bit (they never seemed to be having much fun).

Where Are They Now?: The band – minus bassist Dan K. Brown – is back together and preparing a world tour.

Violent Femmes

Origin: A three-piece alternative that was formed in Milwaukee in 1980.

Band Members: Gordon Gano (guitar, lead vocals), Brian Ritchie (bass), Victor DeLorenzo (drums)

Best Album: “Violent Femmes” (1982)

Next Best Album: “The Blind Leading the Naked” (1986)

Best Song: “Kiss Off”

Second Best Song: “Add It Up”

Third Best Song: “Gone Daddy Gone”

Why They Should Have Made It: The Violent Femmes first album is a classic punk-infused alternative album. It’s gritty, angry, and possesses a wry streak. It’s also confident and brimming with angst.

Why They Remain Underrated: They Violent Femmes were never able to capture lightning in a bottle again. Each subsequent album got worse and the music never had the same smarmy energy of the first one.

Where Are They Now?: Gano released a solo album in 2002 and has had minor success as an actor. Brian Ritchie lives in Australia and plays with a band. He’s also suing Gano for not being properly credited for writing some of the Femmes original songs. Victor DeLorenzo still plays and owns Joe’s Real Recording studio.

The Feelies

Origin: A rock band formed in Haledon, New Jersey in 1976. They became one of the most popular bands at Maxwell’s, a live music bar in the 1980s.

Band Members: Glenn Mercer (guitars, vocals), Bill Million (guitars, vocals), Andy Fier (drums, percussion), Keith DeNunzio (bass)

Best Album: “Crazy Rhythms” (1980)

Next Best Album: “Only Life” (1988)

Best Song: “Away”

Second Best Song: “Too Far Gone”

Third Best Song: “Crazy Rhythms”

Why They Should Have Made It: The Feelies were music critics darlings in 1980 after their first album. The Village Voice named “Crazy Rhythms” the 17th best album of 1980 and Rolling Stone has it ranked number 49 among its best albums of the 1980s. The Feelies mixed driving guitars – rattling out at a machine gun like intensity with improvised percussion for a sound like no other.

Why They Remain Underrated: Egos got in the way – along with side projects. The band went through a revolving door of members and didn’t produce their second album until six years after the first – the disappointing “The Good Earth” (1986). They roared back with the very underrated “Only Life” in 1988, but by then it was just too late.

Where Are They Now?: The band broke up in 1992 and the members have scattered into other bands and side projects.

The Alarm

Origin: The band was formed in Rhyl, Wales in 1978 and originally toured with the Stray Cats under the name Seventeen. They officially changed their name to The Alarm in 1981.

Band Members: Mike Peters (vocals, guitars, harmonica), Dave Sharp (lead guitar), Eddie MacDonald (bass), Nigel Twist (drums)

Best Album: “Declaration” (1984)

Next Best Album: “Strength” (1985)

Best Song: “The Stand”

Second Best Song: “Where Were You Hiding When the Storm Broke?”

Third Best Song: “Rain in the Summertime”

Why They Should Have Made It: The Alarm was a punk-infused rock band that wrote some anthem like standards that got heavy rotation on college radio stations in the early to mid 1980s. They toured with U2 and were often compared to them.

Why They Remain Underrated: The Alarm seemed to rebel against the U2 comparisons and left their politically infused alt-rock anthems behind and tried to make it as a straight rock band. They started wearing leather and lost their raw edgy sound. It just didn’t catch on.

Where Are They Now?: Mike Peters has been diagnosed with cancer, but seems to be recovering. He has launched a new version of the Alarm and is working on an EP.

Hoodoo Gurus

Origin: Formed from the remains of several bands in Sydney, Australia in 1981.

Band Members: Dave Faulkner (vocals, guitar), Mark Kingsmill (drums), Brad Shepherd (guitar, harmonica), Richard Grossman (bass)

Best Album: “Stoneage Romeos” (1984)

Next Best Album: “Mars Needs Guitars!” (1985)

Best Song: “I Want You Back”

Second Best Song: “Lelani”

Third Best Song: “Bittersweet”

Why They Should Have Made It: The Hoodoo Gurus were fun. Their pop infused tunes mixed punk, alternative, surf, and New Wave into joyful songs ready for dancing or driving fast. They were the hits of the college radio in the early to mid-1980s.

Why They Remain Underrated: The band may have been too talented. Their music was all over the map and they experimented with different styles and sounds. Listeners are notoriously impatient with bands like the Hoodoo Gurus.

Where Are They Now?: After breaking up in 1998, the band is back together again. They went back into the studio to record “That’s My Team,” a takeoff on “That’s My Scene” for the National Rugby League in Australia and decided to stay together.

13 Alternative Songs That Make You Think You're Cooler Than You Really Are

12 Best One Hit Wonders From the 1980s

The 10 Finest Soundtracks in World History

Labels: 1980s, Alarm, Alternative, Fixx, Hoodoo Gurus, Music, The Feelies, Violent Femmes

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Before we start banging our heads to the music, DaRK PaRTY wants to share with you five damn cool facts about AC/DC, one of the greatest heavy-metal bands on the planet.

5. Angus and Malcolm Young named the band AC/DC when they saw the acronym on the back of their sister’s sewing machine (meaning, of course, alternating current/direct current). They had no idea – none at all – that AC/DC was also a term used in homosexual circles for bisexuality until a taxi driver clued them in after a show several years later.

4. Bon Scott was not the first lead singer of the band. He was the second replacing Dave Evans in 1974. Most people think Scott died by choking on his vomit, but that’s not the case. He died in 1980 of acute alcohol poisoning after a night of binge drinking at MusicMachine, a London night club. He passed out in a car of a friend and the next day he was found inside dead.

3. The band has sold more than 150 million albums across the globe, including 68 million in the United States. Their mega-selling “Back in Black” is responsible for about one-third of that total.

2. The band fired drummer Phil Rudd in 1987 after he got into a fistfight with Malcolm Young. Rudd took Scott’s death poorly and fell into depression and alcoholism. After being fired Rudd bought a helicopter charter company and moved to New Zealand. He was rehired by the band in 1994 and remains the drummer to this day.

1. Before he selected his school boy uniform that has become his trademark, Angus Young wore other costumes on stage: Spiderman, Zorro, and even an ape suit.

Now on to the music. Here are DP’s picks for the 10 Best AC/DC songs of all time:

Whole Lotta Rosie

One of the best singles off the 1977 album “Let There Be Rock.” The song is about a real sexual experience Bon Scott had with an obese women who, apparently, was really, really good in bed. The song outlines her rather large assets: 42” by 39” by 56” and weighing in at 260 pounds. Fans have tried to find the real “Rosie,” but she has never surfaced. “Whole Lotta Rosie” is one of the songs current singer Brian Johnson sang when he auditioned as the replacement for Scott in 1980.

Walk All Over You

This is an underrated guitar rocker from “Highway to Hell” (1979). It has a great instrumental opening with Angus ripping through a staggered guitar solo which is soon joined by bass and drums before flying into the hard rhythm of the number.

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

This may be one of the greatest named heavy-metal songs. The title was actually stolen from the “Beany and Cecil” cartoon. A character of the show, Dishonest John, had a business card that read: “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. Holidays, Sundays and Special Rates.” The number is an advertisement for a gentleman who invites people to hire him for a menu of despicable deeds.

It’s a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock n’ Roll)

A scorching rock n’ roller with bagpipes. How can you go wrong? His song was released on the “T.N.T.” album in 1975. The song outlines the dangers of being in a successful rock band. These include being robbed, beaten up, conned, ripped off, and getting old. Brian Johnson doesn’t perform the song live because it was a signature number by Bon Scott.

Hells Bells

Yes, grammatically it should be “Hell’s Bells,” but give Angus and his mates a pass here (remember they didn’t know what AC/DC meant either). The song starts with a death knell and then kicks into a hard rocker. The song is probably the band’s most popular and was written as a tribute to Scott on the “Back in Black” album from 1980. It’s also played at New England Patriots games to get the fans pumped up.

You Shook Me All Night Long

Another rocker from “Back in Black.” This one is probably the tightest song AC/DC has ever written. It’s a by the book heavy-metal pop number (with plenty of sex with lyrics like “She made a meal outta me and came back for more”), but AC/DC just let’s this one fly and it works.

Have a Drink on Me

Another tribute to Bon Scott from “Back in Black.” It’s a song about boozing with the boys.

For Those About to Rock (We Salute You)

From the 1981 album by the same name. The song has a cannon firing off in salute to AC/DC fans. Believe it or not, but the song is based on an ancient Roman salute: “Ave Caesar, morituri te salutant” (Latin for “Hail, Caesar, those who are about to die salute you”). In concert, the band usually plays this as their last song.

Who Made Who

This song was on an album of the same name that was the soundtrack to the 1986 Stephen King directed movie “Maximum Overdrive.” The movie is about trucks conquering the world and enslaving humans. The song reflects this very serious issue.

Thunderstruck

From the 1990 album of the same name. One of the finest rocking numbers by the band that is about an airplane journey Angus took where lightning stuck the wing of the plane. The song has become a staple at sporting event.

Read our post on 7 Really Angry Bands here

Read our tribute to R.E.M. here

Labels: AC/DC, Music, Music Review, Rock

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An Interview with Horror Novelist David Wellington

(DaRK PaRTY is devouring David Wellington’s new vampire novel “99 Coffins.” It’s a lot of fun – and it’s packed with some damn creepy moments. We won’t give it away, but it delightfully mixes in Civil War history and vampire hunting. We love writers like David because he busted his hump getting a book deal by posting his fiction online and developing an audience first. What’s not to love about that? Especially when it turns into a book deal for said hard-working scribe? David is now the author of five novels, including a zombie trilogy – “Monster Island,” “Monster Nation,” and “Monster Planet.” He’s also penned two vampire novels: “13 Bullets” and “99 Coffins.” David resides in New York City with his wife Elisabeth and his dog, Mary. He runs a excellent web site that is worth a visit. David was kind enough to answer a few questions about horror writing for us.)

DaRK PaRTY: What is your attraction to the horror genre -- especially zombies and vampires?

David: I grew up on horror. I grew up in Pittsburgh, where George Romero made his zombie movies – the guy was a local hero back then, and everybody in town had seen “Dawn of the Dead,” because we all shopped at that mall. My mother got me interested in writing horror. She is a staunch opponent of censorship, and the most eclectic reader I know. She would bring home Stephen King and Peter Straub novels from the local library and when she was done with them she would show them to me and say, "I'm not going to tell you that yo

u can't read this, but I don't think you should. They'll give you nightmares." Well, of course anything your mother tells you not to do is the first thing you're going to try. So I got hooked at an early age. I don't have a special love for zombies and vampires as opposed to any other kind of monsters – I've also written a werewolf book, for instance – just for monsters in general. Monsters are interesting to me because they break the rules. That's what makes them monsters. They don't fit in.

DP: You break some of the traditional rules with your "monsters." Take vampires for example. How do your vampires differ from the traditional vampires most readers are used to?

David: The typical vampire you read about today wears fluffy lace shirts and drinks wine while he's out on a date with his vampire-hunter girlfriend. I wanted to get back to what made vampires scary. My vampires don't want to read you bad poetry. They want to rip your head off and drink blood out of the stump of your neck. They're predators, pure and simple. Stronger than us, faster than us, more often than not smarter than us. To me, that's scary.

DP: You broke into published writing through the internet. Can you tell us about how you got your start?

David: I started by writing my first novel, “Monster Island,” as a serial. I posted it one chapter at a time on a friend's blog, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It was just a way to get my writing out there where somebody might read it. Then a lot of people read it.

DP: Did your internet publications help or hinder you when you tried to break into traditional print books?

David: Well, without the online readers I would never have gotten a book deal. It's very tough to break into the publishing world right now unless you can prove people want to read your work. The internet let me prove that. I had to do a lot of work with no pay and no real hope of accomplishing anything, but it definitely paid off.

DP: What projects are you working on now and do you plan to revisit zombies again?

David: I'm working on a third vampire book – there will be at least four of them before I'm done. The next one is called “Vampire Zero” and it's a direct sequel to “99 Coffins.” I went back to zombies last year with a serial called “Plague Zone,” completely unrelated to my Monster Island trilogy, and for now I think I've achieved what I want to with zombies. Though you never know. I've got a great idea for a fourth Monster Island book, and if I ever get a chance I might have to write it down.

Read our picks for the scariest horror movies made since 2000

Novelist Kim Harrison writes scary detective books. Read her interview here

Labels: 5 Questions, David Wellington, Horror, interview, Writing

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Her words have stayed with me. We often forget to do just that – don’t we?

We forget a lot of things in this hectic, technology-driven world that most of us are submerged in. We forget that we are human beings first – and everything else -- software engineer, business consultant, attorney, writer – second.

The most crucial parts of our days are not attending meetings, writing reports, creating new code, or meeting with clients. The really important parts of our day have become invisible to us – because we take them for granted.

What are those things?

Well how about breathing? How often do we remember to take deep breathes and replenish ourselves? Breathing deeply – and correctly – can reduce stress, calm frayed nerves, and relax the body. Yet we often rumble through the day without taking time aside to make sure we’re getting enough oxygen.

How about eating? We’re a nation of eating disorders with anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa leading the pack. Our overeating has become frightening – and even deadly.

“Since the mid-seventies, the prevalence of overweight and obesity has increased sharply for both adults and children. Data from two surveys show that among adults aged 20–74 years the prevalence of obesity increased from 15 percent (in the 1976–1980 survey) to 32.9 percent (in the 2003–2004 survey,” according to a report by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Yet eating may be the most abused aspect of our daily lives. Most of us (I’m talking broadly here) have plenty to eat, but usually eat on the run or as an afterthought during a busy day. Many of us skip meals when we’re too busy. Or else, we carve out the time to grab a sandwich or hamburger and then gobble it down as quickly as possible between meetings.

This type of behavior leads to overeating and last resort options: pre-packaged and processed foods or fast food at restaurants specializing in cheap fried fare.

How about exercising regularly? Only 50 percent of men and 47 percent of women report getting enough exercise, according to the CDC. And those rates are up, but the report noted that many people lie when talking about how much exercise they actually get.

How about sleep? We’re turning into a nation of sleep zombies. The average adult needs at least 8 hours of sleep a night, but on an average work night sleeps 6 hours and 40 minutes, according to recent survey by the National Sleep Foundation.

We’ve chronicled our national exhaustion before in our essay “Exhausted America,” but it bears repeating that more than 70 million Americans now suffer from sleeping problems, according to the Institute of Medicine.

These important activities keep us alive and healthy, yet often take a backseat to things like returning emails, watching television, and attending workshops. How often do we make these critical parts of being alive – and healthy – a priority?

Being gentle with yourself means putting your own well being first. To eat when you are hungry and to eat food that is healthy for you. It means taking time to breathe – to slow down and be aware of you and your body. To sleep when we are tired and to exercise at least three times a week.

When you begin to be gentle with yourself – you can start to be gentle to others.

Read our essay on the threat of bottled water

Read our poem "Shut-Up"

Labels: Corporate, Essay, Health

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The Death of a Bard

Gary Gygax, the co-creator of groundbreaking game Dungeons & Dragons, died last week at his home in Wisconsin.

He was only 69 years old.

Gygax’s fantasy role playing game is responsible for opening up the minds of millions of children, teenagers, and adults to the possibility of making the impossible possible.

His world was populated with wood elves, mountain dwarves, and halflings welding magic spells, battle axes, and enchanted daggers. Red dragons breathing fireballs soared through the skies, kobolds and goblins lurked in abandoned ruins, and sprites and fairies gamboled in deep forests.

And more pragmatically, Gygax is responsible for the 20-sided die and why graph paper can be found in so many wood-paneled recreation rooms in Middle America.

One could also argue that Gygax was the grandfather of fantasy role-playing games like World of Warcraft and the popularity of first person video games. He certainly played a major role in making J.R.R. Tolkien and “Lord of the Rings” a modern classic.

He founded game company TSR, wrote novels and game modules, and developed other role-playing games such as Chainmail and Gamma World. But it was Dungeons & Dragons that became a cultural phenomenon. The game spawned books, playing cards, magazines, online communities, films, and, of course, video and Web games.

Gygax never really approved on the video games based on his game arguing that the imagination came from the game creators – not the players. His pen-and-paper creation forced the participants to play together in tight-knit communities and rely on their imaginations to create the worlds they played in.

“There is no intimacy; it’s not live,” Gygax said of the video games spawned from his Dungeons & Dragons empire. “It’s being translated through a computer, and your imagination is not there the same way it is when you’re actually together with a group of people.”

I spent my hours of my teenage years being a Dungeon Master – the narrator of the Dungeons & Dragons game who creates the worlds and encounters for his players. I designed intricate dungeons for the clerics, fighters, wizards, and thieves of my friends to explore. They discovered treasures and magic troves and fought off trolls, goblins, and hordes of lizardmen.

Dungeons & Dragons unleashed my imagination. It solidified my desire to be a writer and, as I get older, it reminds me to keep the wonder alive.

So thank you, Gary. Here’s hoping they bury you in chainmail armor with a two-handed sword and a magic wand by your side.

Not everyone loves Dungeons & Dragons -- Just ask the Reverend

Labels: Dungeons and Dragons, Gary Gygax

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10 Blockbusters That Make You Want Your Damn Money Back

(Can you say blockbuster? Or at least they were supposed to be. These were the movies with big potential, big budgets, big stars, big directors – and, well, they were terrible. God awful, in fact. Join us in a journey through shattering dreams and missed opportunities.)

The Truth About Charlie

Director: Jonathan Demme

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Thandie Newton,

Year: 2002

Box Office Take: $5.2 million

Plot in a Nutshell: A thriller without thrills. A woman discovers that her recently deceased husband may have been a criminal – and his buddies want their take of his $6 million and think his wife knows where it is.

Biggest Annoyance: Mark Wahlberg wearing a fedora through most of the movie. He looks like a buff version of Boy George.

Really Bad Quote: “Reggie, I hate that you're caught up in this. But at the same time I'm glad, because it means we've met.”

The Lowdown: The only redeeming thing about this disaster of a remake is that it bombed at the box office so most people were spared the agony. The original “Charade” starred Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant – so even trying for a remake of this classic was risky business. The worst part of this movie is Walhberg who was still trying to find his way as an actor here. He can’t pull off the Cary Grant thing – at all. He stumbles and bumbles his way as a con man and come off as more of a clown. His worst asset as an actor is his naturally high voice and it’s on grand display in “The Truth About Charlie” where he’s at his squeaky best.

Fallout: Jonathan Demme, who won an Oscar for “The Silence of the Lambs” hasn’t had a good movie that wasn’t a documentary since.

Planet of the Apes

Director: Tim Burton

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Tim Roth, Helena Bonham Carter, Paul Giamatti

Year: 2001

Box Office Take: $180 million

Plot in a Nutshell: An astronaut crash lands on a planet where apes rule and men are slaves.

Biggest Annoyance: It’s hard to determine who to hate more in this movie: Tim Roth overacting his role of Thade or Helena Bonham Carter hamming it up as Ali. Two usually excellent actors reduced to utter embarrassment.

Really Bad Quote: “Can’t we all just get along?”

The Lowdown: The remake of the original Charlton Heston sci-fi classic has been turned into a long chase movie with absolutely no redeeming qualities – except for the excellent make-up work. The movie simply can’t figure out what it wants to be: a social satire, an action movie or a comedy. So it turns out to be a mess. The usually creative and daring Burton gives us a vanilla ice cream cone.

Fallout: No one has yet paid the price for this movie. In fact, it was a blockbuster.

St. Elmo’s Fire

Director: Joel Schumacher

Starring: Emilio Estevez, Rob Lowe, Andrew McCarthy, Demi Moore, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy, Mare Winningham, Andie MacDowell

Year: 1985

Box Office Take: $37.8 million

Plot in a Nutshell: A tight-knit group of college friends has a difficult time handling life after college and begin to drift apart.

Biggest Annoyance: The most annoying scene is when freelance writer Andrew McCarthy pens a story about “The Meaning of Life” and gets it published on the front page of the New York Times. Yeah, right. And then, of course, there’s Rob Lowe with blown dried hair and headbands.

Really Bad Quote: “Jules, you know, honey, this isn't real. You know what it is? It's St. Elmo's Fire. Electric flashes of light that appear in dark skies out of nowhere. Sailors would guide entire journeys by it, but the joke was on them... there was no fire. There wasn't even a St. Elmo. They made it up. They made it up because they thought they needed it to keep them going when times got tough, just like you're making up all of this. We're all going through this. It's our time at the edge.”

The Lowdown: “St. Elmo’s Fire” fails because the characters are shallow, obnoxious, and self-centered. None of the friends are worthy of having friends. Rob Lowe’s Billy Hicks character takes the cake as a blowhard saxophone player who is basically a sociopath (who wears leg warmers). So bad – it hurts.

Fallout: The movie that symbolically ended the reign of the Brat Pack and killed the career of Emilio Estevez.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Director: Tim Burton

Starring: Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Christopher Lee, David Kelly

Year: 2005

Box Office Take: $206 million

Plot in a Nutshell: An eccentric chocolate factory owner opens his magical factory up for a group of children to see which one of them is worthy of becoming the new owner.

Biggest Annoyance: Johnny Depp’s teeth or, perhaps, his hair?

Really Bad Quote: “Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy.”

The Lowdown: An unnecessary second adaptation of the beloved children’s book. Depp’s performance is the worst of his career as he channels Mark Wahlberg’s squeaky voice for the entire movie.

Fallout: None. It’s amazing how the overrated Tim Burton isn’t made to pay for the crap that he puts out.

Wild Wild West

Director: Barry Sonnenfeld

Starring: Will Smith, Kevin Kline, Kenneth Branagh, Salma Hayek, M. Emmet Walsh

Year: 1999

Box Office Take: $113 million

Plot in a Nutshell: Two federal agents investigate a possible assassination of President Grant and discover a super villain who wants to destroy the United States.

Biggest Annoyance: There are too many, but the overacting of Kenneth Branagh may take home of the first-place ribbon.

Really Bad Quote: “Gordon, when you tell this story to your grandkids, you be sure to leave this part out.”

The Lowdown: “Wild Wild West” is on the varsity squad of bad movies. It fails on every single level – writing, directing, acting, and producing (even the catering sucked on this movie – which is rumored to be a comedy). The movie was completely overrun by special effects – which seem ridiculous as the movie takes place in the Old West. Yet it has more explosions (and even a gigantic mechanic spider) than a science fiction movie. This is a movie that went horrible out of control and no one could get it back. But at least Will Smith got a pretty good rap song out of it.

Fallout: Director Barry Sonnenfeld has become a TV director and producer.

Hook

Director: Steve Spielberg

Starring: Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman, Julia Roberts, Bob Hoskins, Maggie Smith

Year: 1991

Box Office Take: $119.6 million

Plot in a Nutshell: What if Peter Pan grew up into a corporate titan with little time for his children and then was forced to go back to Neverland because Captain Hook kidnapped his kids?

Biggest Annoyance: The strained script filled with forced dialog and unfunny lines.

Really Bad Quote: “I have waited long to shake your hand with this. Peter Pan, prepare to meet thy doom!”

The Lowdown: This must have looked great on paper – but the execution was terrible. This was a rare misstep for Spielberg – who gives us an overly produced movie that looks like an amusement park ride instead of a fantasy movie. The performances are a struggle, especially Julia Roberts as Tinkerbell and Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook.

Fallout: Generally considered a bomb despite the box office numbers.

Van Helsing

Director: Stephen Sommers

Starring: Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale, Richard Roxburgh

Year: 2004

Box Office Take: $120 million

Plot in a Nutshell: Legendary monster hunter, Van Helsing is sent by the Pope to Transylvania to hunt down Dracula. One the way he also meets the Wolfman and Frankenstein’s monster.

Biggest Annoyance: Van Helsing’s one-liners. Can you say fish out of water? Can you say random?

Really Bad Quote: “Some say you're a murderer, Mr. Van Helsing. Others say you're a holy man. Which is it?”

The Lowdown: They put so much effort into a creating a movie where Dracula, Wolfman, Frankenstein’s monster, and Mr. Hyde could appear together that they forgot about a plot. That’s the problem with “Van Helsing.” It plays like a series of sketches slapped together and none of it really makes sense when it’s sewn together like the corpses that make up Frankenstein’s monster.

Fallout: Where the hell has Stephen Sommers been? He hasn’t directed a real movie since “Van Helsing.”

I, Robot

Director: Alex Proyas

Starring: Will Smith, Bridget Moynahan, Alan Tudyk, James Cromwell, Bruce Greenwood

Year: 2004

Box Office Take: $144.7 million

Plot in a Nutshell: In the year 2035, a Luddite cop investigates the possible suicide of a robotic scientist. The cop discovers that the scientist was killed by one of his robots – despite the fact that they are programmed not to kill humans.

Biggest Annoyance: The walking, talking cliché that is the character of Del Spooner played by Will Smith.

Really Bad Quote: “Human beings have dreams. Even dogs have dreams, but not you, you are just a machine. An imitation of life. Can a robot write a symphony?”

The Lowdown: More often than not – Will Smith’s action movies are bad. This one is no exception. The movie is recycled from every science fiction and cop action adventure movie ever made. But the worst part of the movie may be the fake looking robots.

Fallout: Alex Proyas has vanished off the fact of the earth.

Pearl Harbor

Director: Michael Bay

Starring: Ben Affleck, Josh Hartnett, Kate Beckinsale, Cuba Gooding Jr., Jon Voight, Alec Baldwin, Tom Sizemore, Jennifer Garner

Year: 2001

Box Office Take: $198.5 million

Plot in a Nutshell: The attack on Pearl Harbor made boring and uninteresting.

Biggest Annoyance: The acting or lack thereof.

Really Bad Quote: “Rafe I'm pregnant. I didn't even know until the day you turned up alive and then all this happened. I haven't told Danny. I don't want him to know. All he needs to think about is how to do this mission and get back alive. Oh Rafe, all I ever wanted was for us to have a home and grow old together, but life never asked me what I wanted. Now I'm going to give Danny my whole heart, but I don't think I'll ever look at another sunset without thinking of you. I'll love you my whole life.”

The Lowdown: This is one of the most trite war movies ever made. The love triangle at the center of the story is about as hot as cold tap water.

Fallout: Started the long drought of duds for Ben Affleck.

Twister

Director: Jan de Bont

Starring: Helen Hunt, Bill Paxton, Cary Elwes, Jami Gertz, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Alan Ruck

Year: 1996

Box Office Take: $241.6 million

Plot in a Nutshell: Husband and wife researchers on the brick of divorce keep running into each other as they chase tornadoes across the Midwest.

Biggest Annoyance: The idea that you can successful outrun tornadoes – several times.

Really Bad Quote: “Killing yourself won’t bring your dad back. I'm sorry that he died, but that was a long time ago. You got to move on. Stop living in the past, and look what you got right in front of you.”

The Lowdown: This movie is just an excuse to blow things up.

Fallout: Jan de Bont’s next movie was “Speed 2: Cruise Control.” Need we say more?

Labels: Bad-Cinema, Movie Review, Movies

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(One of the biggest disappointments in our lives was learning that Sherlock Holmes never actually utters the phrase, “Elementary, my dear Watson” in any of Arthur Conan Doyle’s novels or short stories about the Victorian private detective. Ah, well. But DaRK PaRTY has long been in awe of the astute detective from 221B Baker Street in London. We also like the fact that 58 percent of teenagers from England believe that Sherlock Holmes was a real historical figure. How’s that for the power of fiction? We wanted to explore the world of Holmes in greater detail so we reached out to Mary Eichbauer, who helped create the “Discovering Sherlock Holmes” web site for Stanford University. Eichbauer, who lives in Northern California, has a Ph.D. in Comparative Literature and plans to continue working on Stanford’s Continuing Studies’ Victorian Reading Project when it resumes in 2009. Mary gave us an eye opening analysis of this mysterious literary giant.)

DaRK PaRTY: Sherlock Holmes is arguably the most famous literary character in world literature. Why do you think he remains such a popular character?

Mary: Holmes is popular not only for what he does, but for whom he is. His precursor, Edgar Allen Poe’s detective Auguste Dupin, exhibited a host of 19^th-century bohemian eccentricities, but the ice-cold Dupin didn’t have Holmes’s active personality, his sense of justice, or his emotional flaws.

We love Holmes as much for his faults as we do for his superhuman talents. He doesn’t just suffer adversity from external forces, but from within. He can master the chaotic social and natural worlds, draw logical conclusions and trace horrific events to their sources, then mete out justice with an (almost) unerring hand, but he can’t master his own demons.

Holmes seems completely self-sufficient; as far as we know, he is a man of the world, and yet we have no hint that he has ever been involved in a love affair. Watson is apparently his only friend, though others admire him for his intellect. Like a person caught in a co-dependent relationship, the reader longs for Holmes to show a weakness, a trace of caring or humanity. Conan Doyle drops us a crumb from time to time, but we will never have enough of Holmes because we will never know what is behind the mask. Holmes remains so popular because he is a detective who has become a mystery himself.

DP: How would you describe the complicated personality of Sherlock Holmes?

Mary: Sherlock Holmes not only solves enigmas, he embodies one. He is brilliant, yet obsessive; logical and observant to a fault, yet unable to understand women; capable of the most astonishing mental leaps, yet stunted in his ability to form close human ties. Holmes epitomizes the addictive personality. Unsolved crimes are a drug to him; if he can’t have a case, he must have his cocaine. All these behaviors suggest a character who suffers from existential pain, pain that can only be deadened by obsession, or by drugs.

Throughout the stories, we hardly see a hint of where his torment might originate. Conan Doyle not only had the intelligence to create intriguing mysteries, he wisely kept us out of his creation’s head, while fashioning him in a way that is guaranteed to fascinate us. How did such a personality as Holmes come to be? Did he have an unhappy childhood? Was he deceived in love? We will never know, and yet we will always want to know. That is why so many authors have tried to solve the mystery that is Holmes by writing him into their own alternate universes.

I think we will always continue to have more Holmes-based films and fiction. Groups like the Baker Street Irregulars play what they call “The Game,” in which they analyze every flaw and inconsistency in the “canon.” By doing this, they weave a spell that almost brings Holmes and Watson to life and makes Conan Doyle into nothing more than an inept editor. I think we all play “The Game” to some extent when we read Sherlock Holmes stories; we always desire more out of our detective than we are given on the page, as if he were a real person.

DP: How would you describe Dr. Watson and his relationship with Sherlock Holmes?

Mary: Dr. Watson is an ordinary man with ordinary abilities, and so he is the reader’s conduit to Sherlock Holmes, who would be difficult to identify with without Watson to serve as lightning-rod. Contrary to popular belief, Watson is not stupid; he is just a tad slower than the average reader. We often feel impatient with Watson when we catch on to one of Holmes’s deductions faster than the good doctor, and yet this device allows us to feel smugly superior. Holmes criticizes Watson for his shortcomings as a detective, but Watson is stalwart and loyal and a good sport; he is willing to follow Holmes into risky situations purely on trust. He is brave, even when he doesn’t have his service revolver, and he saves Holmes’s life once or twice (most obviously in “The Devil’s Foot,” when Holmes makes a rare, near-fatal mistake). Unlike his brilliant friend, Watson is susceptible to the charms of women, although, once married, he seems to spend much more time with Holmes than with his wife Mary.

It has been suggested that Holmes and Watson are more than friends, and fan-fiction exists that explores this premise thoroughly. It is an idea that is hard to resist. What avid Holmes reader would not want to envision Holmes and Watson living together forever in happy domesticity, solving crimes, and, incidentally, fulfilling all of each other’s needs? Certainly, the idea that they end their lives apart, as Conan Doyle implies in the final stories, is not appealing, and Holmes’s attempts to tell his own stories lack the interest of Watson’s. However you choose to view it, the dynamic of Holmes and Watson’s friendship drives and shapes Conan Doyle’s stories as much as their mysterious plots. The “buddy” shows that we watch on TV today owe their existence to that original pair of detective friends.

DP: How was Sherlock Holmes shaped by his era -- Victorian England?

Mary: Holmes is very much a Victorian gentleman, despite his bohemianism. Although he lives in disorder, uses recreational drugs and shoots holes into the wall of his sitting room, he is devoted to restoring order from chaos and is fiercely loyal to queen and country. Holmes is a man of his time in many ways: he keeps a stiff upper lip, only showing a hint of deep feeling in the most dire circumstances. He never questions British colonialism or, indeed, British superiority.

Occasionally his fine sense of justice conflicts with the law. Often, Holmes will allow a person who was driven to crime by some horrible abuse to escape the police, if he believes that the unyielding rule of law would commit a further injustice by punishing someone who was tormented beyond human endurance. By his actions, Holmes implies that the law is for the common man, while the gentleman’s code of honor adheres to a higher standard. Holmes’ attitude towards women is also typically Victorian: with one exception, women are to him creatures governed by emotion, who must be protected by honorable gentlemen. This exception is Irene Adler, the woman who tricks Holmes, using his own methods, in “A Scandal in Bohemia.”

Arthur Conan Doyle believed that Holmes and Watson belonged in Victorian times, and so he kept them there. Post World War I England was a sadder and less mysterious place than it had been before. The romance of foreign agents and opium dens and master criminals—all the elaborate, sensationalist machinery of Victorian genre fiction, of keeping the Empire safe from intrusion—paled before the reality that British colonialism was staggering towards its final days. Perhaps Conan Doyle’s unwillingness to face this bleak reality also accounts for his embrace of spiritualism. What made him a laughingstock in public life served him (and us) well as far as Sherlock Holmes was concerned.

DP: What are your three favorite short stories featuring Sherlock Holmes and why?

Mary: My very favorite Holmes stories are those that give us a hint of the man behind the mask and develop his relationship with Watson. In “A Scandal in Bohemia,” Holmes makes a mistake and forever after admires the lady who fooled him. In “The Dying Detective” and “The Devil’s Foot” we see a more emotional Holmes, when the ties holding Holmes and Watson together are sorely tested. In “The Dying Detective,” Holmes takes cruel advantage of Watson’s loyalty as he does nowhere else in the canon, while, in “The Devil’s Foot,” Holmes thoughtlessly risks Watson’s life, and his own, for the sake of a chemistry experiment.

On the other hand, the early stories are the ones that have had the deepest influence on genre fiction. For pure cleverness, with a lot of thrill thrown in, I would choose “The Speckled Band,” “The Red-Headed League,” and “The Hound of the Baskervilles,” all of which have been so thoroughly plagiarized by posterity, that their plot twists are common knowledge. No matter. Holmes and Watson still manage to pull modern readers into their universe and make us believe that, to one with a logical mind, the disordered world, with all of its horrors, can be forced to make perfect sense.

Labels: 5 Questions, Arthur Conan Doyle, literature, Mary Eichbauer, Sherlock Holmes

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Documentary Captures the Powerful Story of Two 9/11 Widows

The sky that day was a yawning cobalt blue – a crisp, late summer morning infused with feathery glaze of autumn. It was a perfect day for picking apples, strolling along the Charles River, or visiting the Boston Common. But this innocent Tuesday would soon tumble into horror.

By 8:46 a.m., the first commercial airplane out of Boston crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center Complex. Less than 20 minutes later, a second commercial airliner – also originating out of Boston -- struck the South Tower.

The rest is history and that beautiful Tuesday now lives in infamy as September 11, 2001.

There are many stories about 9/11, but few as powerful and heartbreaking as those of Susan Retik and Patti Quigley. The suburban mothers from Massachusetts were pregnant the morning their husbands were murdered by terrorists.

Filmmaker Beth Murphy gives us an up-close and unflinching look at Retik and Quigley in the documentary “Beyond Belief” (now showing at the Boston Museum of Fine Arts, but you can check the “Beyond Belief” web site for national screenings near you).

Before 9/11, Retik and Quigley were affluent mothers living in sprawling Colonials in the suburbs of Boston. The film begins with an emotional retelling of how these two women managed to grieve and find the inner will to give birth and continue to be pillars of strength for their children. They found each other during this emotional chaos and found compassion and companionship.

The remarkable thing about Retik and Quigley is how they used their grief to create a charitable foundation, Beyond the 11^th, that supports war widows in Afghanistan. The film has a bold vision and a powerful message about healing. It’s difficult not to get emotionally involved with Retik and Quigley as they struggle in the aftermath of the tragedy that destroyed the tranquility of their lives. In fact, sometimes there’s a discomfort at how much the two women are willing to share.

But if you manage to get through “Beyond Belief” without shedding a few tears, you may want to check and see if you’re made of stone.

However, the documentary stumbles when the two women finally arrive in Afghanistan to meet the dozens of women their fundraising efforts are assisting to become self-sufficient. Beyond the 11^th gives money to buy the Afghanistan widows incubators to raise chickens and sell eggs.

The juxtaposition between the two rich Americans and the scores of oppressed and poverty-addled widows in Afghanistan is striking. It’s telling when Retik expresses her guilt in the way she and her family live compared to the war widows. Both the 9/11 widows appear overwhelmed by what they experience in Afghanistan and as result the film loses its way.

The Afghanistan widows appear in short interviews, but their stories are given short-shift and viewers begin to get the same guilty feelings as Retik and Quigley. The experience of Retik and Quigley – while heartbreaking from an American perspective – pales in comparison to these broken, forgotten women in Afghanistan. These women have starved nearly to death, lost children to hunger, and husbands and sons to warfare.

It’s also clear that the generosity of Beyond the 11^th is not nearly enough – in fact, it’s a drop in the bucket. There are fundamental problems in the country too big for a handful of incubators and chickens to solve.

But even with its flaws, “Beyond Belief” is beautifully filmed and at times inspirational. Retik and Quigley are trying to help, trying to use their grief for good rather than revenge. How can you not admire that even if you begin to realize that even with their losses Retik and Quigley are typical Americans – unaware of their advantages and good fortune until they come face to face with the harsh realities of their sisters in Afghanistan?

Read our post on life-altering movies here

Read our review of the "Grindhouse" DVD here

Labels: 9/11, Beyond Belief, Movie Review, Movies

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13 Alternative Songs That Make You Think
You’re Cooler Than You Really Are

There are songs that make you believe you can take a punch to the face. You shake it off and then leap into a flying round-house kick that sends your attacker flying over the bar and crashing into the liquor bottles. As he howls in anguish through his shattered jaw, his frightened friends pluck bottle shards out of his ass.

You, of course, adjust your sunglasses (cause, hell, man, you wear Ray Bans at night) and the blond you were eying earlier sashays right up to you and gives your bicep one of those tender little squeezes that would make you giggle if you weren’t so goddamn cool.

“Wow,” she whispers breathlessly.

You notice she has Jessica Simpson’s legs and Scarlett Johansson’s chest.

You slap a crisp one hundred bill on the bar – you know, for the bartender’s trouble. Tom Brady slides over with a shot of Jack Daniels and you tap glasses with him before shooting it down. He slaps you on the back and you gesture to Jack Nicholson and Clint Eastwood. They want to know if you’ll meet up with them later.

Whatever, dudes.

Kirsten Dunst calls you to her table, but you ignore her. Instead you head to the door with the blond. Outside Bruce Springsteen gives you a high five and you climb into your black Porsche 911 T.

When you get to the hotel room, the blond heads right to the Jacuzzi and you hang up your leather jacket and .44 Colt in the walk-in closet. Then you tune the room stereo to one of these songs.

Connected
Stereo MC’s

We’re not big hip hop guys, but there’s something about a duo of pale British white guys trying to get soulful that we dig. This song was really it for the Stereo MCs who disappeared faster than a banana in a gorilla cage after “Connected” hit number 20 on the Billboard Hot 100. Best part of the song is the disco sample from “(Let me) Let me be Your Lover” by Jimmy Bo Horne. “Connected” has a back beat that makes you bang your head up and down with a frown. Chicks dig it that.

Dragula
Rob Zombie

This song makes you want to burn down a church filled with nuns. Hard to believe this evil, little number is about the drag racer featured in The Munsters. It’s from Rob Zombie’s first album “Hellbilly Deluxe” and made popular by appearing on the soundtrack to “The Matrix.”

Low
Cracker

“Low” is one of those songs that just… rocks. It’s got a wicked heavy drum and bass line and just builds and builds until well… you rock out. It’s the best song from a rather bland American rock band that is generally known for being a nerdy group of angst-ridden babies. How they ended up recording a song this cool is one of the greatest mysteries in music history.

Hey Man Nice Shot
Filter

This is industrial music at its finest. It starts with the lyrics: “I wish I could’ve met you. Now it’s a bit too late.” The song is about the public suicide of Pennsylvania State Treasurer Budd Dwyer, who shot himself in the head with .357 magnum during a press conference. The music builds into a grinding crescendo with lead singer Richard Patrick screaming: “Hey Man, Nice Shot!” The band insists the song is about Dwyer’s guts and determination, but if you listen to this song long enough you’ll want to fire bomb your boss’s house.

December
Collective Soul

This song takes it down a notch from Filter, but it’s got that slick, scowling sound that makes you want to light up a cigarette and blow smoke into somebody’s face. Collective Soul could let it rip when the band was in the mood. The band would probably lose a fight against a group of kindergarten girls, but we don’t need our cool soundtrack musicians to actually be tough – just sound it.

Push It
Garbage

Garbage is so intense that if you invited them to your house you’d probably piss on your own rug. And “Push It” is their most intense song (so you’re never getting that yellow stain off). The greatest part of this song is when lead singer Shirley Manson (one of the coolest women in rock history) has a sampling of the Beach Boys telling her “don’t worry, baby.” The video contains an assassination scene.

Someday
Nickelback

This should be a song for wimps. The lyrics are about some she-man whining about his relationship coming to an end and wishing he and his girlfriend could just talk it through. Yeah, I know, I want to pistol whip the pathetic bastard as well. What saves the sorry ass lyrics is the very nasty guitar work by Ryan Peake. It scorches.

Souljacker
The Eels

The Eels are a popular indie band from Britain. But don’t hold that against them. This song is like sticking a piece of dynamite up your ass. It just explodes with rough and tumble lyrics. It’s about skulls and little Johnny shooting up his classroom, and little Sally not liking her daddy very much. The driving guitar, screaming lyrics, and brutal drum work makes you want smash your car into the next guy who plays Madonna on his car stereo.

Not For You
Pearl Jam

Pearl Jam is cool. Anyone who says otherwise should stop wearing lipstick to work (that goes for the chicks as well). Eddie Vedder says the song is about how music exploits young people and tries to sell them everything under the sun. That may be so, but when he starts screaming “Not for you!” you feel like pounding the guy next to you with a beer bottle.

Burden in my Hand
Soundgarden

Soundgarden isn’t just cool – they’re dangerous. Put them in a room with Collective Soul and, well, we can’t be held responsible for Collective Soul’s collective wedgies. In this ripping piece of grunge masterwork, lead singer Chris Connell sings about murder and dealing with the guilt through alcohol abuse. You won’t find this one in a Disney movie.

Killing in the Name
Rage Against the Machine

Rage’s signature song. It’s a furious rant against conformity and ends with lead singer Zak de la Rocha howling: “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me!” Try not beating the crap out of a Republican after listening to this one.

It’s Been Awhile
Staind

Staind is from Springfield, Massachusetts, which is cool in and of itself. This is a guitar heavy reflection on how bad lead singer Aaron Lewis’s life has been: drug addiction, failed relationships, and an abusive father. Yet he blames only himself. We’d like to buy Aaron a beer and then sucker punch him. Just for fun.

Pale Shelter
Tears for Fears

By all rights this song should be very far away from this list. It’s by borderline girlie band Tears for Fears and it’s about parental love. Good Christ it pains us to even write that. But you know what? It kicks major ass.

Labels: Alternative, Music, Music Review, Rock

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