::Literate Blather::
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
I'll Be Back: Arnie's Greatest Hits

Before he became Herr Groper, governor of California, it was difficult not to hold some fondness for Arnold Schwarzenegger the actor. Much of that charm has disappeared from the political Arnie, who is beginning to resemble just another Republican pandering to his base. But looking back at Arnie’s movie career, which spanned more than 25 years, one can’t help but admire the dark humor Schwarzenegger infused into his cartoonish action adventure films.

While his accent often made him sound like Sgt. Schultz, Schwarzenegger showed a comfort level on screen that few actors manage to achieve. Dare we say it? Arnie had charisma. He’ll never be mistaken for Jimmy Stewart (or even the action hero's action hero – John Wayne), but Arnie managed to crank out some damn good movies – Raw Deal, Terminator (1 and 2), Total Recall, and Twins.

While calling his screen characters “characters” is stretching it – he was always Arnie in every movie he ever starred in (including the worst role of his life – Mr. Freezer in Batman & Robin, a movie that never should have been made), Arnie did manage to infuse his movie personae with off-beat humor – often at his own expense. A risky move for any actor. It was an ability that made his action flicks that much more enjoyable than those of the leadened Slyvester Stallone, the overly serious Steven Seagal, and the too-intense-for-words Wesley Snipes.

It got to the point where the best part of going to an Arnie movie was waiting for one of his throw-away lines. Those “witty” remarks that would have Arnie fans gasping for air because they would be laughing so hard.

So DaRK PaRTY now presents – The Best of Arnie:

From Commando (1985)

(Sticking a pipe through Bennett, the movie’s villian)
Arnie: Let off some steam, Bennett!

Arnie: Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?

Sully: That's right. You did.
Arnie: I lied!

(After killing a man on the airplane seat next to him)
Arnie: Don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired.

From Raw Deal (1986)

Arnie: You should not drink and bake.

Baker: Joseph P. Brenner... what's the P stand for?

Arnie: Pussy.

From Predator (1987)

Arnie: If it bleeds, we can kill it.

From Running Man (1988)

Arnie: Uplink underground, uplink underground. If you say that one more time, I'll uplink your ass, and you'll be underground.

(After Arnie slices the villain Buzzsaw in half with a chainsaw)
Amber: What happened to Buzzsaw?

Arnie: He had to split.

Arnie: Women. Can't live with them, can't live... with them.

From Red Heat (1988)

Art: About this pile-of-shit pimp in here. In this country, we try to protect the rights of individuals. It's called the Miranda Act, and it says that you can't even touch his ass.

Arnie: I do not want to touch his ass. I want to make him talk.

Arnie: Chinese find way. Right after revolution, they round up all drug dealers, all drug addicts, take them to public square, and shoot them in back of head.

Art: Ah, it'd never work here. Fucking politicians wouldn't go for it.
Arnie: Shoot them first.

From Total Recall (1990)

Lori: Doug. Honey... you wouldn't hurt me, would you, sweet heart? Sweet heart, be reasonable. After all, we're married!

(Lori grabs her pistol and Arnie blasts her)
Arnie: Consider that a divorce.

Melina: Hello, Hauser. Still bulging, I see.

(Melina strokes his arm and then grabs his crotch)
Melina: What you been feeding this thing?
Arnie: Blondes.
Melina: I think it's still hungry.

(Holding the severed arms of his enemy, Richter)
Arnie: See you at the party, Richter!

From Terminator 2 (1991)

Arnie: Hasta la vista, baby.

From The Last Action Hero (1993)

(A dead enemy falls out of the closet after Arnie fires his pistol at it without warning)

Danny: How'd you know someone was in there?
Arnie: There's always someone in there. It costs me a fortune in closet doors.

Danny: You think you are funny, don't you?

Arnie: I know I am. I'm the famous comedian Arnold Braunschweiger.
Danny: Schwarzenegger!
Arnie: Gesundheit.

(Arnie realizes that a nerve gas bomb is hidden in the body of Leo "the Fart”)

Arnie: Leo "the Fart" is going to pass gas one more time.

From True Lies (1994)

Helen: Have you ever killed anyone?

Arnie: Yeah, but they were all bad.

Arnie: Well, you see, this is the problem with terrorists. They're really inconsiderate when it comes to people's schedules.

From Eraser (1996)

(A car with the bad guys inside is smashed by a freight train)

Lee: What happened?
Arnie: They caught a train.

(Shoots an alligator in the head)
Arnie: You're luggage!

From End of Days (1999)

Arnie: Between your faith and my Glock nine millimeter, I'll take the Glock.

(After throwing Satan off a high building)
Arnie: Fuck you!

From 6th Day (2000)

Arnie: You should clone yourself while you're still alive.

Drucker: So I can get a perspective on your situation?
Arnie: No, so you can fuck yourself!

From Collateral Damage (2002)

Bradnt: You two make quite a team. A fireman and a refugee. Sounds like a TV show.

Arnie: Uh, huh, and you could play the asshole.

From Terminator 3 (2003)

Arnie: Katherine Brewster? Have you sustained injury?

Katherine: Drop dead you asshole.
Arnie: I am unable to comply.

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