DaRK PaRTY ReVIEW

::Literate Blather::

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Under God's Right Arm: Armageddon

“But in the final analysis, outside of the love of Christ, there is no hope for true peace. Until those who make the world's decisions are followers of the Prince of Peace--and until Jesus Christ Himself returns to earth--there will never be true love among men. There will be rivalries, racial hatred, and difficulties of all kinds--and men will not love their fellow men as God would have them to do.”
-- Rev. Pat Robertson

It’s times like this when I’m thankful to the Good Lord for giving me the sense to live in poor, rural Arkansas with the chickens and cows. Arkansas might not be the center of the universe like New York, Los Angeles, Cleveland, Tulsa, and Omaha, but that’s a good thing for God-fearing Christians who live and toil in the beautiful heartland of the United States. Give me corn and churches rather than jazz music and books any day!

This means that we’re generally safe from the God-despising Muslim terrorists who prefer to target our coastal cities because of their affluence, progressive lifestyles, and reputations as centers for Democratic thought. Like a strong Christian, however, I prefer living in places with less reason and more religion because too many of our cities are run by misguided liberals (but that’s a column for another day!).

It’s unfortunate, but if you live in a large city in the United States you should be very afraid this morning.

Very afraid!

Because one of the God’s most intimate human conduits has predicted a “mass killing” on our shores in 2007. Rev. Pat Robertson, one of the most famous and beloved televangelists and a dedicated Christian of the highest order, told his “700 Club” TV audience yesterday that God spoke to him during a recent prayer session.

God is plain-spoken and he gave it to Rev. Robertson straight. Rev. Robertson said God told him that there would be a terrorist attack in the United States this year in which thousands, maybe millions of innocent Americans would be slaughtered. “The Lord didn’t say nuclear, but I do believe it will be something like that,” Rev. Robertson warned. Rev. Robertson said God told him the attack would take place after September – so we may have time to thwart it!

Rev. Robertson has the gift. He is one of God’s chosen – which is why God has rewarded him with millions of dollars, an enormous mansion to live in, and hundreds of thousands of loyal, uneducated followers who hang on to his every whim and whisper. We’re lucky to have Pat!

I’m also relieved that the Democrats still don’t control the presidency (several Democrats have already ridiculed Rev. Robertson’s predication in the typical haughty manner of liberals).

At least we know that George W. Bush will have the brain power to listen closely to Rev. Robertson’s prophesy. If I know Pat Robertson (and I’ve had the pleasure of sending him money and getting hand-signed thank you cards from him!) I’m sure God provided him with several details he hasn’t shared with the media. Those details will be for the Bush administration alone and with luck it will be enough to prevent this disaster from ever occurring.

It’s a good thing we have men of God like Rev. Robertson in this country. He is blessed with a pipeline directly to the All Mighty and is one of the greatest evangelical prophets of the 20th century. Some of his predictions in the past have been uncannily accurate:

- In 2006, Rev. Robertson predicted that a tsunami would ravage the coast of the Pacific Northwest. Last year, of course, New England was struck by severe rainstorms that did millions of dollars of damage. While Rev. Robertson was mistaken that the storm would be a tsunami and on its location – the rest of his prediction was dead-on.

- Rev. Robertson has been able to use his God-induced powers to divert hurricanes in order to protect his company’s Virginia Beach headquarters. He was able to steer the course of Hurricane Gloria away from Virginia in 1985 and Hurricane Felix in 1995. He also called on God to prevent Hurricane Isabel from slamming into Virginia Beach in 2003. This, my friends, is power!

- Before the 2004 election, Rev. Robertson was told by God that George W. Bush would be elected by a huge landslide. And, of course, Bush won.

Hopefully, atheists and liberals in this country will do the sensible thing and join evangelicals in listening to this prophesy of Rev. Robertson – because if we don’t embrace the word of God spoken from the lips of a man of God then we may be facing Armageddon.

Let's do the right thing!

(The Rev. Colson Crosslick is pastor of the Pretty Good Shepherd Church in Ripsaw, Arkansas. He has sent $20 to Rev. Pat Robertson every month for the last 20 years and has been blessed for his donations. He also writes the regularly appearing column Under God's Right Arm for DaRK PaRTY.)

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Posted by GFS3 at 5:25 PM.

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