::Literate Blather::
Friday, September 26, 2008
Under God's Right Arm: Jesus Would Vote for Sarah Palin

What would Jesus do?

He would stalk proudly into a voting booth with the lights of heaven glistening upon his brow and cast a ballot for John McCain and Sarah Palin as President and Vice President of the United States of America.


It isn’t because of McCain – a rather crusty career politician who has spent most of his time in Washington licking the boots of New York Times reporters and liberal buddies like John Kerry (Kerry leans so far left he makes Pol Pot look like a conservative!).

The reason the Son of Man would vote for McCain has nothing to do with him. It has to do with his running mate – Sarah Palin, the amazing Governor of Alaska. Sarah is a gift from God.

Don’t let the ugly smear campaign by the anti-Christian, communist media convince you otherwise. What you are witnessing is the systematic demonizing of a strong, God-fearing woman so that the media can put their stealth Muslim candidate in office.

Allow me to personally address the red herring issues raised by the alleged mainstream media as to why Sarah is not qualified to be vice president. It doesn’t take much thought to poke holes in their flimsy case against her – just good, old fashioned logic.

Sarah Palin is a born-again whack job who believes the war in Iraq is a holy war.

It’s amazing how being a Christian these days is interpreted to being a dumb, ignorant hick. Palin is a Christian and believes in the Lord Jesus as her savior. This is the belief held by the majority of Americans. Are we all belly scratchers with low IQs? Of course not! And anyone who doesn’t think the war in Iraq is a holy war – is a nut job (hello, New York Times editorial board!). If Iraq was a reasonable Christian nation instead of one filled with radical Islamic terrorists do you actually think we’d be at war? Of course not!

Sarah Palin supports abstinence rather than sex education in public schools her own teenage daughter is pregnant.

The unfortunate situation with Palin’s daughter is family business – a private matter. And, yes, I know I once called Jamie Lynn Spears, the pregnant 16-year-old sister of Brittany Spears, a “trailer trash whore with parents who have the morals of a Las Vegas stripper,” but that is a different situation. Jamie Lynn is being raised by liberal sex fiends and clearly Palin’s daughter is being raised by an outstanding Christian family. There are differences. Just because Palin’s daughter made a mistake and didn’t resist temptation doesn’t mean that abstinence training doesn’t work. Teenagers need to understand that sex outside of marriage is a sin and can lead to an eternity in the fires of hell. A condom won’t change that!

Sarah Palin has less than two years of experience as governor of Alaska.

This complaint always makes me roll my eyes. My answer is so what? Sarah was also mayor of a teaming metropolis for six years and on the City Council for another four years! The Muslim Democrat has only been a senator for three years and before that a state senator of just seven years! Add them up and Sarah has one year more of political experience. People can talk about the fact that he’s also a Constitutional law professor educated at Harvard Law School and Columbia University – but do those qualifications really mean more than Sarah’s BS from the University of Idaho (a great public college!)? I don’t think so.

Sarah Palin opposes abortion even in cases of rape and incest.

So does Jesus. She’s in good company.

Sarah Palin doesn’t have any foreign policy experience and thinks being close to Russia qualifies her as an expert.

The hyperactive communist media gets lathered up about Palin’s truthful observation that Alaska is close to Russia. We all know that the closer you are to something – the better understanding you have of it. That’s just common sense. Of course Palin knows Russia. She lives right next door to those Godless heathens! Just because she hasn’t traveled abroad doesn’t mean anything except that she loves the United States more than most of those globe-trotting liberals who want to see how most of the world doesn’t have working toilets. I’ve never been outside of the United States either (except for one trip to Mexico in the 1980s). The reason? Everything I could ever want I can find at the mall! There’s no reason to waste money on airplane tickets to experience other cultures. If I want to understand the Chinese – I can go to a Chinese restaurant or to one of the many Chinatowns here in our country. If I want to experience Italy – hey, there’s an Olive Garden! You get what I mean. Palin has common sense and faith in Jesus. What else do you need when negotiating with UN flunkies, African mob bosses, and Middle Eastern terrorists?

(The Rev. Colson Crosslick is pastor of the Pretty Good Shepherd Church in Ripsaw, Arkansas. He plans to be a patriotic Christian and vote for Sarah Palin in November. He also writes the regularly appearing column Under God's Right Arm for DaRK PaRTY.)

More from the Reverend:

How Lego Celebrates Murder

Bring Back Bush!

Why Do Liberals Hate Jesus?

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