DaRK PaRTY ReVIEW

::Literate Blather::

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Batman Wises Up

From: Bruce Wayne
To: Dick Grayson
Subject: The Partnership

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Dick: The situation has become untenable. As we discussed at lunch yesterday, I believe a clean break is in order. I’ve alerted Albert to the situation and he’ll help you pack your things. We couldn’t make it work. It happens.
Best of Luck,
Bruce

From: Dick Grayson
To: Bruce Wayne
Subject: RE: The Partnership

------------------------------

Hi Bruce: Listen, I’m still reeling here. I can’t believe this is happening to us. We’re the dynamic duo ;-) How are you going to battle the Riddler, Mister Freeze and the Joker without me? Didn’t I always have your back? I beg you to reconsider! Don’t do this!
Dick

From: Bruce Wayne
To: Dick Grayson
Subject: RE: The Partnership
------------------------------

I’m sorry, Dick, but my mind’s made up. You have until tomorrow to remove your things from the mansion.

Alfred will have a check for you.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Bruce Wayne
Subject: RE: The Partnership
------------------------------

What kind of bitch do you take me for? Keep your goddamn money! I can’t believe you’re doing this to us. You’re killing me. Do you understand that? You’re killing me!

From: Bruce Wayne
To: Dick Grayson
Subject: RE: The Partnership

------------------------------

We’ve been over this many times, Dick. I’m the Dark Knight – the Batman. I’m dark, mysterious, and dangerous. You’re… Robin (named after the first bird of spring for Christ sake!). Do you know how difficult it is to skulk around in the shadows when you’re standing next to a guy in green tights and a canary yellow cape?

This sidekick thing just isn’t for me. I’m a loner. Even social butterflies like Superman work alone. I’ve got to get back to the basics if I want to put my career back on track. Sorry, but I’m adamant about this.

PS – Take the money. It will help you get a new start.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Bruce Wayne
Subject: RE: The Partnership

------------------------------

I know this is about Catwoman and those snide, homophobic remarks she made last month. Why do you let her get under your skin?

I can’t believe you’re complaining about my costume again! You know black washes out my skin tone. Plus the kids loooove the red, green and yellow! You need to think big picture! Robin is the anti-Batman. He’s fun-loving, colorful and full of energy in contrast to your grim, dark and serious. Ying and Yang! Mutt and Jeff!

Come on, Bruce! Don’t let some S&M tramp come between us.

From: Bruce Wayne
To: Dick Grayson
Subject: RE: The Partnership

------------------------------

My decision is final.

I’ve warned you before about talking ill about Selina, Dick. I won’t warn you again.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Bruce Wayne
Subject: RE: The Partnership

------------------------------

Screw you! I’ve got news for you Batboy – Catwoman is a total carpet muncher. Good luck being her fag hag!

Go on and have your precious “solo” career. I predict complete and utter failure. Meanwhile, I’ve already contacted the Penguin about a job. He might be short, fat and have terrible taste in clothing, but at least he appreciates my skills as a top-notch sidekick. I start on Monday.

See you in the funny papers, loser.

From: Bruce Wayne
To: Alfred Pennyworth
Subject: Our Mutual Friend

------------------------------

Hello Alfred:
Change the locks on all the mansion doors and put a stop order on that check to Dick -- immediately. We're finally rid of the little pest.

Do me another favor. Make reservations at that French Bistro in downtown Gotham for me and Selina. I'm predicting a very late night celebration, so don't wait up.

Purrrrrr.

Labels: Batman, comics, Parody

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Posted by GFS3 at 2:10 PM.

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