DaRK PaRTY ReVIEW

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Cracked-Back Book Reviews: November

Thor, Iron Fist, and Batman Soar as Graphic Novels

(Quick fire reviews of the books we’ve been devouring. A “cracked-back” is what happens to the spine of a new book once you’ve thoroughly torn through it. We’re always looking for our next read, so please feel free to make your own recommendations in our comments section. Read on!)

Thor, Vol. 1

By J. Michael Straczynski and Olivier Coipel

It’s difficult to think about Thor without the Kiss song “God of Thunder” reverberating inside my brain.

“God of thunder and rock and roll
The spell you’re under
Will slowly rob you of your virgin soul.”

But I digress. As a comic connoisseur in my youth, I never connected with Marvel’s comic book version of the Norse God (despite the fact that I’m half Danish). Thor was dull: the stiff in the room (especially when compared to the wisecracking Spiderman and the snarky intensity of Ironman).

Thor spoke like a community theater actor channeling Hamlet. “Thee art my ally! Make peace!” Crap like that.

But I have a new appreciation for the Thunder God thanks to J. Michael Straczynski and Olivier Coipel. Thor – who was retired back in 2004 – is brought back to life in a new series as a rebel God – powerful, but brooding – with an angry, seething intensity that hides a broiling compassion for human beings and their troubles.

Gone, thank All-Mighty Odin – is the ridiculous dialog. Thor is given a new sleekier appearance (complete with blue chainmail armor) and a new attitude – and it works like a charm. Olivier’s version of Thor is youthful, but war weary. His illustrations are simply stunning. They may be the best part of the book.

But Straczynski’s storyline has Thor’s first order of business as rebuilding Asgard – the home of the Norse Gods. He makes the Oklahoma desert his base of operations and scans the world for his fellow Gods (although the highlight of Volume One is a crash-bang battle with Ironman). There’s lots of potential to be mined here, although knowledge of the Marvel universe is required as Straczynski does a poor job of providing an adequate back story for those fans reading Thor for the first time. But we’ll be back for Volume Two.

Grade: B+

The Immortal Iron Fist, Vol. 1: The Last Iron Fist Story

By Ed Brubaker, Matt Fraction, David Aja and Travel Foreman

First off, we love Matt Fraction – which is why we interviewed him a while back. Now that we’ve come clean on that:

Iron Fist was always a lame superhero; created by Marvel in response to the Bruce Lee craze in the 1970s. He wore the green pajama bottoms and appeared along side the more complex and always more interesting Luke Cage. Then he’d make rather pathetic guest appearances on Marvel Team-Up. He even died at some point – and then came back to life. Never liked him (and he was even a candidate for our list of lamest superheroes).

Thank Thor, we didn’t make that mistake, because the new series snap kicks major league butt. Iron Fist is finally given the back story that he deserves. In the new series, Iron Fist (Daniel Rand) is the latest of more than 66 Iron Fists than stretch back centuries – each generation getting their own version of the hero. The story introduces readers to Orson Randall, the previous Iron Fist, who broke his bond with the Iron Fist legacy and its leader K’un L’un and is living a life of drug addiction in Thailand.

A terrorist organization working for K’un L’un’s greatest emney – the Crane Mother and her champion, the murderous Steel Serpent, target Randall for death. Randall seeks out Daniel Rand and together they battle the enemy (and to say more would be a crime). But Volume One sets up a show down between Rand and Steel Serpent that is sure to shake the Marvel world to its foundations.

The artwork by Spanish illustrator David Aja using lots of dark inks – using shadows and light to effectively reveal character and give the new series a dark feel (most of the action takes place at night). His action sequences seem to move off the page and readers will find themselves wanting to practice swing kicks between chapters.

Here’s another graphic novel, however, that needs some background before plunging in. Novices to Iron Fist will probably find their heads spinning with all of the information.

Grade: B+

Batman: The Long Halloween

By Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale

What do you get when you combine crime noir with a superhero comic? You get “The Long Halloween” – one of the most critically acclaimed graphic novels in the genre. Once you start – it’s near impossible to put down.

Batman, a young Jim Gordan, and District Attorney Harvey Dent vow to bring down Mobster Godfather “The Roman.” But they are beaten to the punch by a mysterious serial killer dubbed “Holiday,” who begins to kill The Roman’s family and friends on each major holiday. Holiday kills them with a .22 and places trinkets representing the holiday near the dead bodies.

The story incorporates many of Batman’s most feared and popular villains – from the Joker to Poison Ivy. Even my favorite, Scarecrow, makes an appearance. There are great scenes between Batman and Catwoman – as they try to figure out if their animosity is real or just sexual foreplay.

But at the real center of story is the downfall of Harvey Dent, a respected and honorable DA. The graphic novel shows us his descent into cynicism and finally his transformation into the criminal psychopath Two Face.

The narrative expertly weaves the mystery – throwing up red herrings and giving us a wide range of possible suspects. Batman is a grizzled caped detective (think Mike Hammer in tights) – and one not unwilling to smack the bad guys around.

If you’ve always wanted to experience a graphic novel – then “The Long Halloween” is an excellent place to start. Action packed, compelling, and the art work is visually stunning.

Grade: A-

Best and Worst Superhero Movies

Blistering Barnacles: It's Tintin!

The Legends of Literature: Comic Books

Labels: Batman, book review, comics, Cracked-Back, Iron Fist, Thor

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Posted by GFS3 at 2:01 PM.

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Thursday, August 21, 2008

A Slightly Intoxicated Batman Gives Some Frank Career Advice to Aquaman

(Scene: A quiet table in the backroom of Granny Goodness’ Feel Good Saloon in lower Gotham.)

AQUAMAN: Hey, thanks for agreeing to meet with me, Batman.

BATMAN: Yeah, yeah. (To the waitress) Gimme a scotch and make it a double, sweetheart. (Watching the waitress leave) Is she new?

AQUAMAN: I don’t know.

BATMAN: Christ, she’s got a tighter ass than Catwoman. And, dude, you can bounce a bat-a-rang on that bootie. Have you seen the latest Hollywood returns?

AQUAMAN: Ah, no.

(The waitress delivers Batman’s drink. He winks at her and she rolls her eyes.)

BATMAN: $440 million gross for “The Dark Knight.” Can you believe that shit? They fucking love me.

AQUAMAN: Wow.

BATMAN (Slurping his drink): Wow? Wow? Who are you to judge? When’s the last time they made a movie about Aquaman?

AQUAMAN: Two years ago!

BATMAN: Two years… Wait a minute! You’re not counting that piece of shit made for TV movie? I’m talking about Hollywood… movie theaters. You get me? And I’ve got the real answer for you – NEVER!

AQUAMAN: Hey, come on. The lead actor Justin Hartley wasn’t half bad.

BATMAN (Laughing): He was better playing Green Arrow in “Smallville.” Way better. “The Dark Knight” is my sixth movie since 1989. George Clooney played me! Fucking Val Kilmer.

AQUAMAN: You’ve made your point.

BATMAN: I’m the balls. Who’s bigger than me?

AQUAMAN: Spiderman?

BATMAN: Spiderman? Bug boy? Robin could kick his skinny, whiny ass.

AQUAMAN: All right. You’re hot. Bigger than Superman.

BATMAN (Snickering): I know. It kills him. Man of Steel. Did you watch “Superman Returns?” Holy shit did that suck! Is there a more boring villain than Lex Luthor? Come on, people! Lex Luthor?

AQUAMAN: Listen this is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.

BATMAN: What? Movies?

AQUAMAN: Well, you know, image.

BATMAN: You mean like being the Dark Knight or the King of the Sea?

AQUAMAN: What’s wrong with King of the Sea?

BATMAN (Laughing): It sounds like a bargain brand of tuna fish. Look at yourself! For Christ sake you’re wearing a yellow shirt with scales and lime green pants.

AQUAMAN: Hey, Robin wears yellow.

BATMAN: You see Robin here? Huh? Has Robin been in any of my movies lately? The freak. You think he gets any tail wearing those stupid shorts? Yellow? What kind of superhero wears goddamn yellow? Not even the broads wear yellow.

AQUAMAN: Wonder Woman has a golden lasso.

BATMAN: Wonder Woman has gravity defying tits. And she doesn’t wear yellow, douche bag.

AQUAMAN: Is that kind of language necessary?

BATMAN: You just don’t get it. You’re vanilla, man, totally vanilla.

AQUAMAN: So I should wear black then?

BATMAN: Did I tell you to copy me? Why not silver? Silver is cool. Or even like a deep purple.

AQUAMAN: That’s it then? I’ll get a movie if I wear purple?

BATMAN: I didn’t say that. Dude, you talk to fish.

AQUAMAN: So? Telepathy is one of my powers. I’ve got enhanced strength and speed. I can breathe underwater and dehydrate people. That’s pretty cool.

BATMAN: Big deal.

AQUAMAN: Hey, you don’t even have super powers! You’re just a guy.

BATMAN (Shrugs): It’s about attitude. Style.

AQUAMAN: Style?

BATMAN: Water just isn’t cool. Aquaman? Please! Your name sounds like some kind of yuppie water filter. You hear what I’m saying? Now Batman! Jesus, I get chills!

AQUAMAN: So a silver costume and a new name?

BATMAN: Yeah. How about Water Demon? Or Sea Fury?

AQUAMAN: I don’t know.

BATMAN: Or Liquid Lord. Makes you sound like a fucking Greek God.

AQUAMAN: Aquaman has history though.

BATMAN (Standing): Whatever. Keep your stupid name and your ballerina outfit. I’ve got a date with Poison Ivy and I’m late. Swim home to your goldfish and try not to “dehydrate” anyone on the way.

AQUAMAN: Ah… all right. We still on for poker Monday night with Green Lantern and the Flash?

BATMAN: Maybe. I’ll call you.

10 Superheroes with the Coolest Powers

Batman Wises Up

The Best and Worst of Superhero Movies

Labels: Aquaman, Batman, comics, Humor, Parody, superheroes

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Posted by GFS3 at 5:30 PM.

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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Batman Wises Up

From: Bruce Wayne
To: Dick Grayson
Subject: The Partnership

------------------------------

Dick: The situation has become untenable. As we discussed at lunch yesterday, I believe a clean break is in order. I’ve alerted Albert to the situation and he’ll help you pack your things. We couldn’t make it work. It happens.
Best of Luck,
Bruce

From: Dick Grayson
To: Bruce Wayne
Subject: RE: The Partnership

------------------------------

Hi Bruce: Listen, I’m still reeling here. I can’t believe this is happening to us. We’re the dynamic duo ;-) How are you going to battle the Riddler, Mister Freeze and the Joker without me? Didn’t I always have your back? I beg you to reconsider! Don’t do this!
Dick

From: Bruce Wayne
To: Dick Grayson
Subject: RE: The Partnership
------------------------------

I’m sorry, Dick, but my mind’s made up. You have until tomorrow to remove your things from the mansion.

Alfred will have a check for you.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Bruce Wayne
Subject: RE: The Partnership
------------------------------

What kind of bitch do you take me for? Keep your goddamn money! I can’t believe you’re doing this to us. You’re killing me. Do you understand that? You’re killing me!

From: Bruce Wayne
To: Dick Grayson
Subject: RE: The Partnership

------------------------------

We’ve been over this many times, Dick. I’m the Dark Knight – the Batman. I’m dark, mysterious, and dangerous. You’re… Robin (named after the first bird of spring for Christ sake!). Do you know how difficult it is to skulk around in the shadows when you’re standing next to a guy in green tights and a canary yellow cape?

This sidekick thing just isn’t for me. I’m a loner. Even social butterflies like Superman work alone. I’ve got to get back to the basics if I want to put my career back on track. Sorry, but I’m adamant about this.

PS – Take the money. It will help you get a new start.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Bruce Wayne
Subject: RE: The Partnership

------------------------------

I know this is about Catwoman and those snide, homophobic remarks she made last month. Why do you let her get under your skin?

I can’t believe you’re complaining about my costume again! You know black washes out my skin tone. Plus the kids loooove the red, green and yellow! You need to think big picture! Robin is the anti-Batman. He’s fun-loving, colorful and full of energy in contrast to your grim, dark and serious. Ying and Yang! Mutt and Jeff!

Come on, Bruce! Don’t let some S&M tramp come between us.

From: Bruce Wayne
To: Dick Grayson
Subject: RE: The Partnership

------------------------------

My decision is final.

I’ve warned you before about talking ill about Selina, Dick. I won’t warn you again.

From: Dick Grayson
To: Bruce Wayne
Subject: RE: The Partnership

------------------------------

Screw you! I’ve got news for you Batboy – Catwoman is a total carpet muncher. Good luck being her fag hag!

Go on and have your precious “solo” career. I predict complete and utter failure. Meanwhile, I’ve already contacted the Penguin about a job. He might be short, fat and have terrible taste in clothing, but at least he appreciates my skills as a top-notch sidekick. I start on Monday.

See you in the funny papers, loser.

From: Bruce Wayne
To: Alfred Pennyworth
Subject: Our Mutual Friend

------------------------------

Hello Alfred:
Change the locks on all the mansion doors and put a stop order on that check to Dick -- immediately. We're finally rid of the little pest.

Do me another favor. Make reservations at that French Bistro in downtown Gotham for me and Selina. I'm predicting a very late night celebration, so don't wait up.

Purrrrrr.

Labels: Batman, comics, Parody

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Posted by GFS3 at 2:10 PM.

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