There have been many of bad rock n’ roll bands. But to make this list, DaRK PaRTY set a few strict rules:

1. Bands only. No solo artists
2. This is about bands that have a history – no one-hit wonders, no one-album phenomenon , no here today-gone tomorrow bands
3. The band has to have at least one gold album

These are the bands that deserve to be completely eliminated from the annals of rock history. These are the bands that – to get cerebral and quite academic – suck. They bring nothing to the table except massively delusional fans (who will protest like 3-year-olds having temper tantrums when they see their band listed below).

So without further ado, DaRK PaRTY gives you the worst bands in rock history:

STYX

It is hard to believe that Styx had several multi-platinum albums. This is, after all, the band who released some of the most revolting singles of all time in “Lady” and “Come Sail Away.” Lead singer Dennis DeYoung, despite having one of the worst warbles in rock history, is also an accomplished accordion player. Need we say anymore?

Factoid: The first name for the band was “The Tradewinds.”

Worst Album: Pieces of Eight (1978)

Gag Inducing Song: “Mr. Roboto”

CULTURE CLUB

Boy George introduced the Amish hat into 80s culture and was responsible for helping make popular oversized shirts that hung down to the knees. At the same time he was destroying the fashion world, he was also helping drive a stake through the heart of alternative music. Culture Club’s pop-laden fluff is so sickly sweet and the lyrics so sugary that diabetics should avoid it at all costs.

Factoid: Boy George sang as “Lieutenant Lush” with Bow Wow Wow before joining Culture Club.

Worst Album: Kissing to be Clever (1982)

Gag Inducing Song: “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?” (the answer, of course, is a responding yes).

KANSAS

Kansas, believe it or not, is still touring. There has yet to be a tragic bus accident. Kansas was one of those power bands in the 1970s that was so damn earnest and serious (they labeled themselves a progress rock band) that they ended up as simply annoying. Beware of bands named after states, countries, and continents. They don’t have great track records.

Factoid: Part of the resurgence of Kansas can be blamed on the movie “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure,” which featured the song “Dust in the Wind.”

Worst Album: Monolith (1979)

Gag Inducing Song: “Dust in the Wind”

ASIA

Asia was formed from the remnants of three shit bands: Yes, King Crimson, and Emerson, Lake & Palmer. All of three of those bands were considered for this list. But why bother when you can put Asia on the list? Here was an alleged “super” band whose best song was “Heat of the Moment.” Are you catching what we’re laying down here? This band sucks pond scum.

Factoid: The song “Heat of the Moment” is sung by Eric Cartman and the U.S. Congress in an episode of “South Park.”

Worst Album: Alpha (1983)

Gag Inducing Song: “The Heat Goes On”

AIR SUPPLY

Soft rock is an oxymoron and Air Supply was king of the soft rock bands. The band performed love ballads that made the average person want to saw off their wrists with a sharp razor. The most difficult part about writing about Air Supply is coming up with their most gag inducing song – because all of their singles fill your mouth with bile.

Factoid: Founders Graham Russell and Russell Hitchcock meant during a performance of “Jesus Christ Superstar” in 1975.

Worst Album: The One That You Love (1981)

Gag Inducing Song: “Here I Am (Just When I Thought I Was Over You”

EUROPE

Europe is the most famous Swedish rock band of all time – selling more than 10 million albums. It’s almost enough to make you want to wipe the country off the face of the earth. Abba, my friends, is twice the band Europe is.

Factoid: Europe has sold more than 10 million albums worldwide.

Worst Album: The Final Countdown (1986)

Gag Inducing Song: “Carrie”

HUEY LEWIS & THE NEWS

Some people (deranged people) will argue against Huey’s inclusion on this list. Harmless, they’ll mutter. They’ll say: Wasn’t “I Want a New Drug” kind of a good song? They’ll add, didn’t the band win an academy award? Don’t listen to these nut jobs. Huey Lewis & the News were awful – so light weight that it’s amazing they didn’t just float away.

Factoid: Huey Lewis has a cameo in the movie “Back to the Future.”

Worst Album: Fore! (1986)

Gag Inducing Song: “Hip to be Square”

REO SPEEDWAGON

Here’s a mid-western arena rock band famous for power ballads. Can someone just shoot us in the goddamn head? And they’re still around – sometimes touring with Styx and Journey (you know – country fairs and rock clubs that attract fifty-something drunkards and their overweight girlfriends). The song “Can’t Fight This Feeling” makes us want to tear the radio out of our car.

Factoid: The name REO Speedwagon comes from a truck built by REO Motor Car Company.

Worst Album: You Can Tune a Piano, But You Can’t Tuna Fish (1978)

Gag Inducing Song: “Keep On Loving You”

THE MOODY BLUES

This band came over with the British invasion that brought America the Who, Rolling Stones, the Beatles, and the Yardbirds. And that’s just about enough classic rock to forgive England for this mistake of rock band. We hate the Moody Blues. “Nights in White Satin” is the most overrated “get-it-out-of-my-head” singles ever produced – and that’s their best song. Please make them go away.

Factoid: The band broke up in 1973, but alas, they reformed several years later to put out the 1978 album “Octave.”

Worst Album: To Our Children’s Children’s Children (1969)

Gag Inducing Song: “Nights in White Satin” (ARRRHHH!!!)

JOURNEY

Journey may be the most annoying band on the list because Steve Perry may be the most annoying singer in rock history. Describing his lilting voice as “grating” would be doing a disservice to cheese graters. The band was famous in the early 1980s for its “power ballads” – another word for loud, sappy love songs. And now they simply won’t go away, mostly because they are extremely popular in Japan. Go figure.

Factoid: The band was formed from members of Santana in 1973. Obviously, there was a reason Carlos kicked them out of his band.

Worst Album: Infinity

Gag Inducing Song: “Open Arms” (1982)

TWISTED SISTER

Lead singer Dee Snider describes Twisted Sister as “Slade meets the Sex Pistols.” A more accurate description would be “KISS meets a wood chipper.” This glam metal band popular in the 1980s had better marketing than music. The heavy guitar infused heavy metal breaks no knew ground and the lyrics so sophomoric as to be insulting to sophomores.

Factoid: Dee Snider used to be a regular on “The Howard Stern Show.”

Worst Album: Stay Hungry

Gag Inducing Song: “We’re Not Gonna Take It” (1984)

RADIOHEAD

Radiohead should have been a one-hit wonder for its “not-bad” single “Creep.” Unfortunately, they kept releasing “art” albums and they may be the most overrated, over-hyped band on the list. Radiohead’s music is overwrought, dense, and sounds like it was recorded inside of a toilet. Lead singer Thom Yorke is a graduate of the Steve Perry school of singing.

Factoid: The band members met while attending Abingdon School, a boys public school outside of Oxford, England.

Worst Album: The Bends

Gag Inducing Song: “High and Dry” (1995)

CINDERELLA

Cinderella was encompasses everything that was wrong with glam metal: Bad hair, tacky outfits, and little talent. If you like melodramatic love ballads screeched by a parrot-voiced singer and surrounded by mediocre guitar riffs and drumming that sounds like a homeless man banging on garbage cans – then Cinderella is the band for you.

Factoid: Cinderella opened for Bon Jovi during the band’s “Slippery When Wet” tour.

Worst Album: Still Climbing

Gag Inducing Song: “Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone)” (1988)

FOGHAT

Foghat deserves some credit for being a rock band during the disco era and for the song “Slow Ride” (which is a middle-of-the-road 70s rocker), but the band created some damn mediocre music. The problem with Foghat is that the band doesn’t have an original bone in its rock body. Listen to a best of album from Foghat and you’re left perplexed. Best of what?

Factoid: The band is “This is Spinal Tap” is supposedly based on Foghat.

Worst Album: Rock and Roll Outlaws

Gag Inducing Song: “Ride, Ride, Ride” (1973)

SMASHING PUMPKINS

Is there a bigger whiner in rock n’ roll than Billy Corgan? He may be the most ego-driven, weak-kneed front man since Boy George. The band’s sophomore effort “Siamese Dream” had one interesting single in “Cherub Rock,” but the rest of the album feels like your reading Corgan’s diary (which one imagines as pink and locked with a little brass key). Their music – a mix of goth, alternative and electronic – generally sounds like yowling cats being crushed in a cement mixer.

Factoid: Billy Corgan worked in a record store in Chicago before forming the band.

Worst Album: Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

Gag Inducing Song: “Tonight, Tonight” (1995)

MANFRED MANN

Each member of Manfred Mann should be locked up for giving sports stadiums the nauseating “Do Wah Diddy Diddy” – and that’s their best song (They have tunes with titles like “Ha! Ha! Said the Clown” and “Trouble and Tea.” The band rode the British invasion of the United States in the late 1960s and pale next to the likes of the Beatles, Stones and even the Kinks.

Factoid: After the band broke up, Manfred Mann worked writing advertising jingles

Worst Album: My Little Red Book of Winners!

Gag Inducing Song: “Do Wah Diddy Diddy” (1964)

THE HOOTERS

What is there really to say about this bland 1980s rock band? The song “All You Zombies” is the only reason why any sane person could even be considered a fan. The rest of the Hooter’s repertoire induces cringing a strong desire for the member of Aerosmith to hunt them down and beat them with electric guitars.

Factoid: Rolling Stone Magazine named the Hooters the best new band of 1985 (its amazing the magazine recovered from such an enormous mistake)

Worst Album: Nervous Night

Gag Inducing Song: “Hanging on a Heartbeat” (1985)

QUIET RIOT

The best part of this glam metal band is its mascot (which appears on just about every album cover): a straight-jacketed psycho in a metal hockey mask. Other than that – Quiet Riot offers little in the way of auditory pleasure. The music is loud, but predictable and non-threatening (despite the mascot). It also has the ability to induce a headache.

Factoid: The band appeared in a Simpson episode as a born-again rock group called “Pious Riot.”

Worst Album: Condition Critical

Gag Inducing Song: Metal Health (1983)

Labels: Music, Rock

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