::Literate Blather::
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
12 Valuable Lessons From Hollywood

1. Serial killers are proficient professionals when carefully slaughtering large groups of teenagers, but always turn into sloppy amateurs when they reach the last one.

2. Major cities have lots of available on-street parking.

3. A paperclip in the hands of a spy or a serial killer is more deadly than a machine gun and/or better than a toolbox full of screwdrivers, pliers, hammers, and a blowtorch.

4. When you fall fully clothed into water it only takes a few minutes to fully air dry and you never have to worry about wrinkles or bad hair.

5. If a married couple has hot steamy sex, one of them will soon be dead.

6. Turning an unconscious person’s head to the side will snap their neck like a twig.

7. If two cars are chasing each other through city streets at high speeds, skidding around corners, blowing through red lights, and driving through sidewalk fruit stands, police officers wisely decide not to intervene.

8. You can ride a fiery explosion like a carnival ride without fear of having your clothes burned off you, your skin blistered and popped, and your limbs blown off.

9. Middle-aged men with pot-bellies and gray hair attract thin, curvy babes like ants to a picnic basket.

10. It is impossible to kill a good guy with a machine gun.

11. True love is only possible if you hate your future love the first time you meet. The deeper the initial hatred, the more fairy-tale the love.

12. Dead bodies are light.

Read "Jerry Ludwig Has a Mental Breakdown" by clicking here.

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