::Literate Blather::
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Under God's Right Arm: The Sin of Halloween

By Rev. Colson Crosslick

In the 1980s there were several Halloween incidents in which innocent children were brutally murdered by liberal Satanists handing out poisoned candy and apples riddled with razor blades. Children literally perished on the streets!

This is just one of many reasons why Christians should boycott Halloween – a national anti-Christian holiday that celebrates evil, the devil, and witchcraft (It’s also a holiday that promotes drunkenness and wantonness in college kids).

Recently, some left-wing media types have tried to debunk the reality of tampered candy on Halloween claiming there are no creditable evidence of this ever happening. Don’t let these alleged “facts” get in the way. I happen to know first hand that these cases are true because I read about them on the Internet.

So if the life of your child isn’t enough of a reason to avoid Halloween then maybe you should also consider your soul. Think logically. Would Jesus condone a holiday symbolized by ghosts, goblins, witches, and orgies? If you need further proof – look no further than the Holy Bible:

Don't participate in the things these people do. For though your hearts were once full of darkness, now you are full of light from the Lord, and your behavior should show it! For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true.

Try to find out what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, rebuke and expose them. It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret.” (Ephesians 5:7-12)

While Halloween isn’t mentioned by name in this passage of scripture, it refers to pagan rituals. Halloween, as any educated person knows, originated as a Pagan celebration of darkness – a time when the spirit world and the real world became one. Celtic druids would dance around bonfires and toss babies into the flames in order to pay tribute to their vile gods. The druids – mostly robust, muscular men – would then have a homosexual orgy and howl at the moon with unrelenting passion.

As you can plainly see this is behavior for a Hollywood movie set, not for good Christians! When Christians are lulled into the belief that Halloween is simply a secular holiday and harmless fun for children, they are falling into a trap. Let your guard down here and you might as well start buying your children licorice-flavored condoms and crack pipes.

So what should a good Christian do on Halloween? Here are five family filled fun activities to participate in rather than dressing up like a whore or a pirate to beg for poisoned candy at your neighbor’s house.

· Go to your church and worship Jesus Christ

· Hold a pumpkin carving contest with your kids using Bible themes. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a pumpkin carved to look like Moses smiting the Egyptians!

· Decorate your house with crucifixes and hand out pamphlets filled with Bible sayings to the children of misguided parents who clearly don’t understand that they are setting their children on the road to Hell.

· Hold a Noah’s Ark costume party and have all the Christian children come dressed up like different animals that were on the ark – including baby dinosaurs, bald eagles, and kangaroos!

· Hold a fundraising party for a local Christian charity. You can serve Jell-O and hand out lollipops while raising money for those less fortunate.

Some of my parishioners think my stance on Halloween is extreme. But in the eyes of God, celebrating Halloween would be the same thing as worshipping pagan gods, reading comic books or attending a service at a Synagogue. In other words, Halloween is a sin. Celebrate at your own risk!

(The Rev. Colson Crosslick is pastor of the Pretty Good Shepherd Church in Ripsaw, Arkansas. In the past, he has called for a boycott of not only Halloween, but Labor Day. He also writes the regularly appearing column Under God's Right Arm for DaRK PaRTY.)

Read the Good Reverend's views on Darwin here

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Blogger John W. Morehead said...
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment and link on my blog, Morehead's Musings. Your readers might appreciate an alternative evangelical view discussed on my blog at http://johnwmorehead.blogspot.com with the post titled "Rethinking Evangelical Postures on Halloween."

Blogger John W. Morehead said...
And while we're at it, given the subject matter of this blog your readers might enjoy TheoFantastique, my other blog that deals with fantastic and the spiritual in pop culture as expressed through horror, sci fi, and fantasy: http://theofantastique.blogspot.com.


Anonymous Colson said...
Thanks John:
It is always nice to hear from a true believer. This rather suspect blog actually doesn't belong to me, but to my left-leaning nephew GFS3. I'm the voice of reason in this rather sinful place.

I do have my own blog called "Under God's Right Arm" which follows the rules of the Lord. I'm no fan of pop culture, however, I will warn you that it can corrupt a Christian mind.

But thank you for your kind comments.
Your's In Christ,

Blogger John W. Morehead said...
I just read this main article more closely as I should have done before. I love it. You're quite right to lampoon Christians here. You and your readers may find my musings on TheoFantastique on horror of interest as an alternative to evangelical rantings.

Anonymous Colson said...
Hi John:
I'm not quite sure what you mean by "lampooning." If it is similar to "harpooning" then I think you need to read the piece again -- carefully.

Halloween is an evil holiday -- one Christians need to avoid like a biker bar. I'm harpooning Halloween -- not Christians (who are God's favorite children).

Anonymous Anonymous said...
"I happen to know first hand that these cases are true because I read about them on the Internet."

What better proof of something being true than that, eh?

I find the views of you religious nuts to be highly amusing. Idiotic, but nevertheless amusing.
Keep 'em coming.

P.S. Praise Satan! I'm under the Devil's left leg... hahahaha....

Blogger Yvonne said...
Whilst this article is doubtless intended as a hilarious parody of the fundamentalist Christian view of Hallowe'en, I don't find it that amusing, since there are plenty of fundamentalist Christians out there who still think that Hallowe'en is an evil satanic festival, blah blah blah, and every year there are attacks on it in the papers by some frothing-at-the-mouth loony. Thank goodness for the moderate and sensible voices of the Christian synchrobloggers, bless 'em (and their tiny pumpkin lanterns).

Anonymous Colson said...
Hi Yvonne:
You have a very Russian sounding name so I'm suspicious that you might be a communist. But maybe you're not...

Anyway, if you mean by "parody" a heating seeking truth missile to Jesus -- then I agree that my article in a parody.

Blogger GFS3 said...
My uncle is a lot of things -- but a writer of parodies he ain't.

Anonymous J.R. Dobbs said...
sigh... christmas also has its origins as a pagan celebration, you morons. maniacs. brainwashed cultie lunatics. frightened midwest armchair messiahs. go boycott some harry potter books or something.

just because a book is some 2000 years old doesn't mean it's not a work of fiction. or mushroom-addled insanity.

on the other hand, if this article is a joke, then i find it hilarious! good job!

Anonymous Anonymous said...
You really need to get some of your facts straight. For one even if you read things like that on the internet things can be twisted around to what people want you to think. Normal people who have a good head on their shoulders can normally debunk lies from the truth unlike this article. Halloween was meant to be a celebration of the harvest in the pagan rights. I should know since my mother's friend is a wiccan. So before you go shouting off your mouth with articles like this you really should get both perspectives. The Pagans worshiped the earth and believed that there is higher life forms like christians do with their own god. So don't knock it before you have proper research. And with that 'To each their own'

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