32 Dingers from the Funniest Man in Hollywood

From “Semi-Pro”

“Everybody panic! Oh my God, there's a bear loose in the coliseum! There will be no refunds! Your refund will be escaping this deathtrap with your life! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love the tender meat! Cover your sodas! Dewie loves sugar!”

From “Blades of Glory”

“No exaggeration, I could not love a human baby more then I love this brush.”

“I see you still look like a fifteen year old girl, but not hot.”

“Troubled childhood? If you consider a 9 year old kid with a 35 year old girlfriend troubled.”

“Hey. They laughed at Louis Armstrong when he said he was gonna go to the moon. Now he's up there, laughing at them.”

From “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby”

“Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I want to thank you for this wonderful meal, my two beautiful son's, Walker and Texas Ranger, and my Red-Hot Smokin' Wife, Carley.”

“Dear Lord baby Jesus, lying there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learning about shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringing me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.”

“Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said...`I'm too drunk to taste this chicken.’”

“No one lives forever, no one. But with advances in modern science and my high level income, it's not crazy to think I can live to be 245, maybe 300. Heck, I just read in the newspaper that they put a pig heart in some guy from Russia.”

From “Wedding Crashers”

“Yeah, her boyfriend just died. Dude died in a hang-gliding accident! What an idiot! `Aaaahhh, I'm hang-gliding! Take a good picture, honey, I'm dead!’"

“Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac.”

“I almost numchucked you, you don't even realize!”

“Mom! The meat loaf! Fuck!”

From “Bewitched”

“Let's make love in a hot-air balloon - let's make love in a candy factory - let's make love in a petting zoo. Let's make love at Sea World on the back of a killer whale!”

“Where is my dog? I will die if I do not have him back! Do you understand me? I WILL DIE IF I DO NOT HAVE HIM BACK!”

From “Kicking & Screaming”

“I am angry. I'm like a large tornado of anger, swirling about.”

“My dad, he's a coach. He knows the game, he's confident, he's smart, witty, dynamic, vicious, brutal, vindictive, a monster! And he will win by intimidation and forceful tactics if need be. I'm not like that. I don't know anyone like that. Do you?”

“Mike Ditka scares me! Have you ever looked into his eyes? Or at his hair?”

From “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy”

“You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.”

“I know that one day Veronica and I are going to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited.”

“You've got a dirty whorish mouth.”

“I'm going to punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.”

“I don't normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breath-taking... heiney. I mean, that thing's good. I want be friends with it.”

From “Elf”

“It's just like Santa's workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me.”

“We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.”

“You stink. You smell like beef and cheese! You don't smell like Santa.”

From “Old School”

Deep down, I am feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly, you get married, and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think well maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about. You know, and uh, and I started feeling... what? what I thought we were in the trust tree in the nest, were we not?”

“Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.”

“You're my boy, Blue! You're my boy.”

From “Zoolander”

“Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.”

“SHUT UP! Enough already, Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? You've done nothing! NOTHING! And I will be a monkey's uncle if I let you ruin this for me, because if you can't get the job done, then I will!”

“Todd! Are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with a foamy latte?”

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Labels: Humor, Movies, Will Ferrell

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