DaRK PaRTY ReVIEW
::Literate Blather::
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Summer Blockbusters Rejected by Hollywood
Green Blood: Rambo vs. Predator vs. Aliens

Heroes Never Die in Space

While infiltrating a top-secret CIA military installation in Rwanda to free his kidnapped son (Shia LaBeouf), Rambo (Sylvestor Stallone) is accidentally blasted into space with a squad of Predators trained to intercept a spacecraft headed to earth loaded with deadly aliens. Joining with the captain of the Predator team (voiced by Samuel L. Jackson) Can Rambo and wise-cracking son successful team-up with the deadly Predator captain (voiced by Samuel L. Jackson) and his squad? Will the intergalactic heroes save the earth from the alien invasion?


The Knocked Up Express

Put This Pregnancy Test in your Pipe and Smoke It!

This Judd Apatow action comedy features Jerry Bigelow (Steve Martin) as the divorced father of 10 children who quits his stressful job in advertising to work as the manager of a group of pot smoking misfits at a Kentucky Fried Chicken in Malibu. He’s introduced to the local drug dealer Nancy (Meg Ryan) by his assistant manager Mickey (Seth Rogen), who also happens to be an undercover DEA agent. When Nancy ends up pregnant, Jerry reluctantly volunteers to accompany her to a drug buy with a ruthless Columbian drug lord (Cuba Gooding Jr.). Things go horrible awry and Jerry and Nancy end up on the run from the FBI and the Columbians. Will they escape before the baby comes?


Aquaman: The Motion Picture

Terrorists Get Fried… Fish Style!

This Jerry Bruckheimer blockbuster features Orlando Bloom as Aquaman in this action-packed superhero story about the King of Atlantis. Aquaman and his queen, Aquawoman (Kristen Dunst), are vacationing in the Caribbean Sea when a passing school of dolphins inform them about an evil plot by a group of Middle Eastern terrorists to use a secret Russian weapon developed during the Cold War to evaporate the Atlantic Ocean. Aquaman uses his telepathy powers to build an army of fish and sea creatures to battle the terrorists as they race against the clock to the save the second largest ocean in the world. Chris Cooper stars as the terrorist mastermind El Algeria.


PDA: People Dicing Albino

Don’t Answer That Email… It Might be Him!

Director Eli Roth directs this terror filled action movie starring Lindsey Lohan as rising PR executive Trisha Dolan. When she is promoted to vice president, Trisha is given the gift of a Blackberry personal digital assistant by a mysterious IT guru (Morgan Freeman). Trisha begins to get emails from a phantom albino (Mark Calaway the Undertaker from the WWE) who starts to chop up the people in her contacts list in alphabetical order. Next up on the victim list is Trisha’s stand-up comedian fiancé Gary (Jonah Hill). Can Trisha and Gary thwart the phantom albino and discover the secret of the haunted PDA?


Trampoline Fever

No Bounce – No Glory!

Will Ferrell plays Harmon “Jumper” Jumpstart the washed up coach of the U.S. women’s Olympic Trampoline team. After advising his young protégé (Dakota Fanning) to try a quadruple spinning somersault at the World Games that goes terribly wrong when she accidentally lands on and kills the Russian judge, Jumper is fired and ends up drunk and disorderly in his hometown of Jeepers, Ohio. Goaded into coaching a prison trampoline team at the maximum security prison by his high school buddy (John C. Reilly), Jumper reconnects with his sport and turns a group of misfit criminals into a world class team of trampoline athletes. Also starring Paul Rudd as yuppie serial killer Timmy Bradlands and Steve Carell as cat burglar Yancy Cloud.


Save Molly: 10 Great Teen Flicks from the 1980s

Valuable Lessons from Hollywood

Our Favorite Will Ferrell Lines

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4 Comments:
Okay... some of these sound all too close to something that would actually come out in theaters. *shudder*

Blogger GFS3 said...
Rambo would kick alien ass!

Blogger Dane of War said...
Ya know, I'm not ashamed to admit that I'd go see the first one - buy all the merchandise, and then write fan-fic until the sequel came out.

Blogger GFS3 said...
Why am I not surprised?

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