::Literate Blather::
Monday, June 18, 2007
Under God's Right Arm: Gays Take Massachusetts
By: Rev. Colson Crosslick

It’s only a matter of time before the Massachusetts Legislature votes to make pink the official state color. While they’re at it they should change the state’s nickname from the “Bay State” to the “Gay State.” How about voting Nathan Lane the official entertainer and “Will & Grace” the official TV show?

Because Massachusetts has been hijacked by the homosexuals and it’s only a matter of time before our modern day Sodom (Boston) is destroyed by a storm of fire and brimstone. Massachusetts, per usual, has shown its utter contempt for Jesus Christ and the Holy Bible.

Last week, the state’s lawmakers ruled against putting gay marriage up to a vote by the people (an end around on democracy if I’ve ever seen one) and thus made it legal for gays and lesbians to continue to get married in Massachusetts until at least 2012. Why don't we just make Barney the purple dinosaur president and the Teletubbies vice president?

I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before gays in Massachusetts throw on mesh thongs and colorful make-up and hold parades in Provincetown and Northampton (two of the pinkest towns you’ll ever see!).

Clearly, Massachusetts lawmakers enjoy thumbing their noses at God. Didn’t the Lord God carefully instruct Moses: “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination” (Leviticus 18:22)? Aren’t there clear passages in the Bible in Romans I, Timothy 1:10, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, and Jude 1:7 that condemn homosexuality as a grave and deadly sin against God?

All Christian faiths denounce homosexual marriage (except for those nut jobs who practice Unitarian Universalism and some of those fruitcakes don’t even believe in God!).

Now I don’t want anyone thinking that I hate homosexuals. I don’t. I just despise with all of my being the act of homosexuality. Gays are fine with me as long as they remain in the shadows or live in hip sections of large East and West Coast cities – where they belong. Let them eat at fusion restaurants, shop in the finest boutiques, and go to Barbara Streisand concerts.

Just keep them out of places like Arkansas and North Dakota!

There’s a reason why good, middle-American Christians condemn the act of homosexuality – temptation. What hot-blooded, meat-eating man hasn’t felt the slightest twinge of lust when seeing a well-sculpted teenage boy jogging by a beach in tight swim trunks? It’s perfectly natural for Satan to whisper in your ear on such occasions (especially when you’ve had a few cold ones).

That’s why it a fundamental necessity to outlaw homosexuality and force those who practice its black arts into dark, lonely corners. If we continue to let the gays “mainstream” this kind of deviant behavior and do things like legalize marriage – wholesome heterosexuals will be in danger.

Why? Because normal, heterosexual men and women will be tempted to cross sides if the taboos against gay behaviors are lifted. Look at what happened to Pastor Ted Haggard in Colorado! Haggard, former preacher of the New Life Church, was a perfectly happy married man with children until a homosexual prostitute entered his life. Then the temptations found in any red-blooded male took him over and he turned into a raving gay guy.

Thank the Lord God that Haggard entered an intense regiment of counseling and Bible training to emerge once again 100 percent heterosexual. But if men of God like Haggard can be seduced by the sultry promise of man-on-man sex – who among us is safe? That’s why we need to fight against homosexuality with every fiber of our existence!

Remember your Leviticus 20:13:

“If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own head.”

Of course, I’m not suggesting we kill gays – as the Holy Bible certainly seems to command us to do. What I’m suggesting is that we keep homosexuality out of the mainstream. This means boycotting gay TV shows, gay movies, gay actors, gay comic books, and certainly boycotting the state of Massachusetts.

It’s time for Christians to stand up on this issue! If we all become gay then how will the race ever propagate? So say good-bye to Nathan Lane musicals and Ellen Degeneres talk shows and say hello to the peace, love, and tolerance found in the Holy Bible.

(The Rev. Colson Crosslick is pastor of the Pretty Good Shepherd Church in Ripsaw, Arkansas. In the past, he has called for a boycott of homosapiens. He also writes the regularly appearing column Under God’s Right Arm for DaRK PaRTY.)

Read Rev. Crosslick's tribute to the Rev. Falwell here

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