::Literate Blather::
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
The 10 Greatest Drunks in Cinema History

(Is there anything more amusing than, well, an amusing drunk? One thing Hollywood serves up well -- funny drunks. We’re going to take a pass at the sobering realities of alcoholism and films like “Barfly” and “Lost Weekend.” Instead we’re going to focus on keg parties and wiseass party boys. So pour a pint, throw back a shot, and join us as we celebrate the greatest booze bags in cinema history)

Arthur Bach

Actor: Dudley Moore

Movie: Arthur

Release Year: 1971

Tagline: Don't You Wish You Were Arthur?

Synopsis: Arthur is a 30-year-old drunk who has never grown up. He’s in line to inherit $750 million if he marries the woman his family has lined up for him. Instead, Arthur falls in love with a feisty waitress and all kinds of romantic comedy fun follows.

Best Drunken Quote: “You're a hooker? Jesus, I forgot! I just thought I was doing great with you!”

Best Drunken Quote #2: “He's taking the knife out of the cheese! Do you think he wants some cheese?”

Best Drunken Moment: When he takes a hooker to dinner and completely forgets that she’s a hooker, but not before he even forgets that she’s with him.

Preferred Cocktail: Martini – served in a bathtub

Frank “The Tank” Ricard

Actor: Will Ferrell

Movie: Old School

Release Year: 2003

Tagline: All the fun of college, none of the education

Synopsis: Three middle aged men tied down to jobs and marriages decide to form their own fraternity and recapture their college days.

Best Drunken Quote: “You tell anyone about this and I'll fucking kill you. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, we'll have him home by midnight.”

Best Drunken Quote #2: “Fill it up again! Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it's so good!”

Best Drunken Moment: Frank tears off his clothes in drunken euphoria and streaks down the middle of Main Street. He’s plodding alone stark naked when his wife and her friends pull up next to him in a mini-van.

Preferred Cocktail: Beer and tranquilizer darts

John “Bluto” Blutarsky

Actor: John Belushi

Movie: Animal House

Release Year: 1978

Tagline: It was the Deltas against the rules... the rules lost!

Synopsis: Delta House is the worst frat house at Faber College. Dean Wormer wants them kicked off campus and he enlists the uptight rich boys from Omega House to help him in his plot against the freedom loving party boys at Delta.

Best Drunken Quote: “Grab a brew. Don't cost nothing.”

Best Drunken Quote #2: “They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!”

Best Drunken Quote #3: “Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the fucking Peace Corps.”

Best Drunken Moment: On a drunken lark, Bluto and his buddies force the pledges to bring a horse into Dean Wormer’s office. They give the pledges a gun (secretly loaded with blanks) as a prank to make them shoot the horse. The gun fires and the noise causes the horse to fall over dead – from a heart attack.

Preferred Cocktail: Kegs

Bob and Doug McKenzie

Actors: Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas

Movie: Strange Brew

Release Year: 1983

Tagline: The McKenzie brothers beer up under misfortune.

Synopsis: The brother McKenzie – two drunken Canadians – help an orphan girl get back the brewery founded by her dead father. But first they need to defeat the evil brewmaster and his evil henchmen of hockey plalyers.

Best Drunken Quote: “My brother and I used to say that drownin' in beer was like heaven, eh? Now he's not here, and I've got two soakers... this isn't heaven, this sucks.”

Best Drunken Quote #2: “If I didn't have puke breath, I'd kiss you.”

Best Drunken Quote #3: “I gotta take a leak so bad I can taste it.”

Best Drunken Moment: When Bob and Doug are fetching a beer for their old man in their kitchen they drop a bottle and it explodes. They nearly weep.

Preferred Cocktail: Canadian beer

Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski

Actor: Jeff Bridges

Movie: The Big Lebowski

Release Year: 1998

Tagline: They figured he was a lazy time wasting slacker. They were right.

Synopsis: The Dude is a drunken loser in LA. When two criminals break into his house and urinate on his rug because they mistake him for the millionaire Jeffrey Lebowski, the Dude decides to get involved in a messy situation so he can get money for a new rug.

Best Drunken Quote: “Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.”

Best Drunken Quote #2: “Fuck sympathy! I don't need your fucking sympathy, man, I need my fucking johnson!”

Best Drunken Quote #3: “Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!”

Best Drunken Moment: The Dude visits the real Lebowski and ends up lugging one of his rugs out of his mansion.

Preferred Cocktail: White Russians

Kid Shelleen

Actor: Lee Marvin

Movie: Cat Ballou

Release Year: 1965

Tagline: It's That Way-Out Whopper Of A Funny Western...A She-Bang To End All She-Bangs!

Synopsis: Catherine Ballou hires a notorious gunfighter, Kid Shelleen, to help her save her family farm from the railroad. The only problem is that the kid in a middle-aged drunk.

Best Drunken Quote: “I smell a water hole!”

Best Drunken Quote #2: “Let's have a drink for old times' sake.”

Best Drunken Moment: There are several scenes in the film where Kid Shelleen falls off his horse and actually rides it sideways.

Preferred Cocktail: Whiskey

Willie T. Soke

Actor: Billy Bob Thorton

Movie: Bad Santa

Release Year: 2003

Tagline: He's very naughty . . . and not very nice.

Synopsis: A drunk con man and his midget sidekick dress up as Santa and an elf at Christmas time so they can rob stores. Things go haywire when an 8-year-old boy teaches them the true meaning of Christmas (see video below).

Best Drunken Quote: “I said, ‘Next,’ goddamn it! This is not the DMV!”

Best Drunken Quote #2: “Why don't you wish in one hand, and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.”

Best Drunken Moment: In a drunken rage, Willie kicks a reindeer decoration to pieces while dropping “F” bombs.

Preferred Cocktail: Whiskey

Officer Slater and Officer Michaels

Actors: Bill Hader and Seth Rogen

Movie: Superbad

Release Year: 2007

Tagline: Come and Get Some

Synopsis: Two high school buddies try to survive the last few weeks of high school. The nerds are invited to a party and need to get some alcohol for the bash. They enlist their friend Fogell and get caught up with two drunken cops.

Best Drunken Quote: “Yeah, people have weird names nowadays. Once I pulled arrested this man-lady, and his legal first name was ‘Fuck’.”

Best Drunken Quote #2: “McLovin? Were you violating that young girl? Were you violating her with you penis?”

Best Drunken Quote #3: “Sounds like a sexy hamburger!”

Best Drunken Moment: Drunk and stoned, the two cops crash their squad car and then light it on fire.

Preferred Cocktail: Beer and shots

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Blogger Chrees said...
The early '80s were kind to drunks. "Arthur" is one of my favorite movies to quote but I don't enjoy watching it that much--not sure why.

My favorite to quote and watch though has to be Alan Swann in "My Favorite Year". Peter O'Toole was great.

Blogger GFS3 said...
Hi Chrees:
"My Favorite Year" would have been a nice addition. But you're right about the 1980s -- a good decade to be a lush.

Blogger Bybee said...
Chrees is right. "I'm not an actor, I'm a movie star!"

I liked Bluto's rabble-rousing speech to his dejected frat brothers: "Did we quit when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"

BTW, I tried to show Animal House to one of my university classes. After 10 minutes, one guy came and apologetically asked me to change movies because this one was "too rude". Ever since then, they've gotten a steady diet of Friends and Lost and Grey's Anatomy.

Blogger GFS3 said...
"Animal House" is hilarious, but I noticed that it only seems so to people of certain age.

BTW -- I didn't know you taught college classes. You should read "The Dumbest Generation." I'm actually posting an interview with the author later today.

Anonymous jcarls said...
These are okay, but you need to check out Gene Raymond in Hitchcock's Mr. and Mrs. Smith. One of the funniest drunks I've ever seen.

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