3. Most dangerous part of your job is breaking into the White House to fill George W. Bush’s stocking full of coal.
4. Your deep dark secret: lots of elf porn on your hard drive.
5. When you laugh in the ghetto people think you’re calling for a prostitute.
6. Near career ending mistake: the year you let the overexposed Rudolph talk you into handing out “misfit” toys to your best customers.
7. You ask the wife: “Do these red pants make me look fat?”
8. You’re wife’s biggest pet peeve is when you track reindeer shit on the new carpet.
9. Sick and tired of the liberal media’s innuendo about why you let “naughty” children sit on your lap. 10. You own a sleigh that has the strength and storage capacity for more than 35,000 metric tons of toys.
11. You “de-friended” Burgermeister Meisterburger on Facebook.
12. You bear an uncanny resemblance to Walt Whitman.