DaRK PaRTY ReVIEW

::Literate Blather::

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

DVD Featurette from the Blockbuster Action Flick "Missile Destruction"

Running Film Commentary by Director Tad Goodkin and Movie Star Randy Bullit

Tad: Hellllooo! I’m Tad Goodkin and I wrote and directed “Missile Destruction.”

Randy: Didn’t you produce it, too?

Tad: Indeed. And that, of course, is a man who needs no introduction. He’s one of the greatest and most talented action stars of this or any generation: Randy Bullit.

Randy: Ha, ha! It’s true. But don’t sell yourself short, Tad. Folks, this is a man who has been a nominee for the MTV people’s choice awards two years in a row.

Tad: It’s a very humbling experience. I really take pride in giving people what they want. It’s one of the reasons I decided to create a film like “Missile Destruction.”

Randy: It’s sublime movie. Between the decapitations and gunfights, there is a real message at the heart of the film about humankind’s need for nuclear weapons.

Tad: Nuclear weapons get a bad rap. But without them, we wouldn’t have world peace. I like to think of nukes as a big, giant father watching down on all of us and keeping everyone in line with the threat of violence.

Randy: Violence that will rain down from the heavens. So elegantly put and so very, very, very true.

Tad: This is the opening of the film you’re watching. We decided to open with a scene that establishes the main character’s personality. Randy of course, plays the main character, super spy, Jake Harder, magnificently.

Randy: I love this scene. I wanted to capture Jake’s sociopathic mindset as he deals with these Colombian drug dealers.

Tad: Here comes the machete to the head!

Randy: Love that shot! Like a garden hose of gore! I think we used more blood in that one shot than in the entire film.

Tad: Not quite, but close. I heard that we actually set a record for the amount of fake blood used on a set. That’s not an established fact, but I heard it making the rounds.

Randy: So cool. The kids love blood.

Tad: Now keep in mind that we weren’t trying to make a “bloody” action film – the blood is all in keeping with the artistry of the story.

Randy: Oops, there goes my shirt. I doubled my normal four-hour daily workout routine to get prepared for this film. You can see that it paid off in the way my abs really rippled when I slugged that drug dealer over the head with the pipe.

Tad: I don’t think there’s a more muscular action star in Hollywood. Your body is a national treasure.

Randy: It’s not all about working out either. You need to spend several hours a day posing in front of mirrors to establish your body messages as you move.

Tad: It’s that dedication that makes you such an international super star.

Randy: I do it for the fans. I'm huge in the gay community, you know.

Tad: I should tell everyone that the role of Jake Harder was written specifically for Randy. When I saw you in “Dr. Doom’s Babes” in 2006, I just knew in the deepest part of my soul that we were destined to work together. I still get chills thinking about that performance.

Randy: Yeah, that was a real challenging stretch for me. I played Axel Cage, an FBI agent, with a drinking problem.

Tad: You encapsulated the complexities of the character better than any actor I’ve ever witnessed in my entire life. How you weren’t honored with an Oscar, I’ll never know.

Randy: Well, a lot of people thought the scene where we blew up the pre-school and showed the actual body parts of the kids flying through the air was a little intense.

Tad: But it was necessary for the story!

Randy: Exactly. Oh, here’s the where I first meet Trisha Young, the love interest in “Missile Destruction,” who is played by actress and former Playboy Bunny Audrey Stephanie.

Tad: Audrey was our first choice to play the brilliant MIT physicist Trisha Young. Not only is she one of the most gorgeous women in Hollywood –

Randy: Her sex tape with the rock band Killer Koke Heads is the most downloaded Internet video of all time. Quite remarkable.

Tad: Indeed. But she’s also a college graduate from Cedar Tree Community College, so she had the background to play a college professor.

Randy: I don’t think I’ve every shared the screen with a hotter looking actress. And she’s really excellent at memorizing her lines.

Tad: Here are the first scenes from Iran – which we actually film in Vancouver. That’s character actor Danny Garcia playing the evil terrorist Abba Abba.

Randy: He’s Mexican, but he really looks Arab.

Tad: Actually, he might be Puerto Rican, not that it really matters.

Randy: Exactly. He looks Arab, which is the most important thing.

Tad: Danny took the role way beyond any stereotypes. I love this part when he slices off the hands of his daughter for looking longingly at another man. Really establishes right off the bat that this is not a man to be trifled with.

Randy: Abba Abba was a very complex villain. He was the perfect foil for Jake Harder.

Tad: Here comes the love scene between Jake and Trisha.

Randy: Wow, we sure used a lot of baby oil!

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Labels: Humor, Movies, Parody

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Posted by GFS3 at 3:25 PM.

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